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Ramblings from a Southern liberal, Boomer, single parent, grandmother, reunited birthmother, cancer survivor, pop-culture observer, retired teacher

Most dramatic lymphoma posts are from June 2002 - February 2003 archives.

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The Waking

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I cannot go.

We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.

Light takes the Tree, but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me; so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.

This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.

--Theodore Roethke


Joy's Updates - Straight from the Horse's Mouth.
Saturday, September 14, 2002  
Busy Morning

It's likely that I won't post as early as I have been, so don't worry if that happens. I'm feeling so much better but am not sure how much worse I could have felt before all this. They took really good care of me in the hospital, but no one can sleep in there. At least I didn't. I'm pretty tired but feel good. It felt so good to be in my bed last night. I slept!!! It's so good to be home.

If you are squeamish, don't read any more.

Changing the bandage on my neck is really involved. What happened is that all the dead tumor mass abscessed, and the toxins killed the skin above it which involves several layers. That was the whitish-gray area. Now the goal is for the healthy skin around it to grow more skin cells and cover it again which will take months to completely do this. A skin graft will make it happen faster, so I might have to do that. This 2.5" x 3.5" crater on my neck is down to the granular layer and has to be carefully attended to prevent infection and promote healing. This requires professional help to check it and to be sure it is healing as it should.

We're having to deal with the insurance nazis to approve more than two visits from the home health nurse. She came yesterday evening and this morning and said she'd come in the morning anyway. She trained Janelle (my sister-in-law) and me on how to do it. Janelle did it herself this mornining and I will tomorrow. We have to wear those gloves and change them a few times. Saline solution is used to wash it off and for one of the bandages applied directly to the bad part. Then more gauze and an abdominal pad over that. We have to be really careful. I have trouble getting the tape positioned by myself. Jean Smith is going to come help us, too. For any of you who know about this, it is a wet/dry bandage for a wound.

Life has definitely changed! I'm glad I have one. This was a close call.

12:49:00 PM

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