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The Waking
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I cannot go.
We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.
Light takes the Tree, but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me; so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.
This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.
--Theodore Roethke
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Joy's Updates - Straight from the Horse's Mouth.
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Sunday, February 20, 2005
Yuck
I have to get up much earlier than I usually do and want to in the morning to drive to Nashville for a CAT scan at 7:50! An hour before my appointment I have to drink 900 ml of barium sulfate suspension - what fun. This means I have to get up at 5:00-ish to get ready and give myself time to drink it. I guess I'll do it more than an hour before, so I can drive and not spill it and gag while I'm driving. My metabolism is slow, so that will be OK. When I get there, I have radioactive glucose intravenously and sit in a darkened room for about 45 minutes. This time I won't have the iodine because I'm allergic to it, but it reacts with the glucose for contrast or something. The worst part of being in that tube is having to hold my arms over my head in a cramped space because my shoulders bother me. I don't have claustrophobia; it's just the whole ordeal. As you can tell, I don't want to do this.
On a positive note, there was an interview with Melissa Etheridge on Dateline where she talked about her appearance on the Grammy Awards. It was what I thought - her adrenaline gave her the energy to get up there and perform "Piece of My Heart" so energetically and powerfully. Any of us who have been through chemo know she's right when she described how horrible it was. I hope I never have to go through it again and am so glad I survived all of that. It's still scary remembering it and the reason I don't like to have scans and be reminded of it.
9:14:00 PM
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