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Ramblings from a Southern liberal, Boomer, single parent, grandmother, reunited birthmother, cancer survivor, pop-culture observer, retired teacher

Most dramatic lymphoma posts are from June 2002 - February 2003 archives.

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The Waking

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I cannot go.

We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.

Light takes the Tree, but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me; so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.

This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.

--Theodore Roethke


Joy's Updates - Straight from the Horse's Mouth.
Friday, January 27, 2006  
Week of Death

Last week was grandchild week with Kelsey's spelling bee and keeping Brendan. This week is filled with death, reconnections, and grief. Four people I knew or knew family members died this week, so I've been to the funeral home quite often. Funerals cause us to take stock and to think of things we might not often consider, but I'm also feeling fear and anxiety again about when I almost died and have done some more what-iffing. I need to let this go and move on. I thought I had and will get some help for it now.

A friend from years ago who moved to North Carolina, Peggy's mother died. I hadn't seen her for close to ten years, so it was good to see her, her daughters, and her cousin Linda again. We've reconnected and will be back in touch again. This was the first time I've met Peggy's husband of eight years and really do like him. She seems so happy. Linda is doing well, too. It was good to see them.

Someone I used to work with and knew socially and also knew family members died recently. Debbie Lankford Daniel Cunningham was in her early 50's and loved life.

One of my former student's father-in-law who owned the Quik Stop wasn't someone I actually knew, but his daughter was friends with my honorary niece and friend.

The death that hit hardest was Dan Hall, who is Emma's husband. They've been married 43 years, and he was 66. They had a good marriage and one that caused me to believe it could work out and be much more than an endurance contest which so many of them are. They were friends as well as mates. Emma does so much for others and was there for me when I struggled with chemo and its aftermath. She started the cancer support group here and is always there for anyone going through cancer. She and I taught together, and her daughter and my son went through school with each other and were friends. She's a wonderful person - funny, intelligent, warm, caring, involved, and much more. I love her and grieve with her.

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