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Ramblings from a Southern liberal, Boomer, single parent, grandmother, reunited birthmother, cancer survivor, pop-culture observer, retired teacher

Most dramatic lymphoma posts are from June 2002 - February 2003 archives.

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The Waking

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I cannot go.

We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.

Light takes the Tree, but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me; so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.

This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.

--Theodore Roethke


Joy's Updates - Straight from the Horse's Mouth.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007  
Cutting Back

Help! I got trapped as president of the retired teachers and am having problems finding an escape route! First of all, they never told me it was for two years when they caught me in a weak moment and I agreed to do it. Then, I became mental during the winter and couldn't figure out what to do. OK, I waited too late to get the rebellious nominating committee to find another president before we met last month, and the chairperson of it keeps telling me how she didn't want to stay on that committee and how much trouble they had finding someone last time. Right - me. Now the state expects a list of officers who will attend the leadership workshop April 23. Panic! Yes, I'm stressed.

Some friends have talked me down from the ledge and helped me feel more assertive; however, I won't feel better until we find someone to take this office. Most of the members really don't need to do it because of health and other reasons. Therein lies the problem. I did find someone new to be on the membership committee because we need more people in the organization. As it is now, the retired teachers circle new members like vampires needing new blood in order to survive. Literally.

It's not that this position is that difficult. I enjoy presiding at the meetings, and the state workshops are interesting for the most part. The reason is that I need to take care of myself. Things are stressing me out that never used to bother me. When we don't pay attention to emotions, they lie in wait for us. I've ignored this PTSD from almost dying and the anger and regret that reunion with Kathy brought with it. Being with her is wonderful, and I'm so glad she found me. Women don't learn to handle anger, at least women in my generation didn't, so we tend to bottle it up and turn it in on ourselves. I'm at a point where I need to get some help since I feel as if my wheels are spinning in the mud. I have some names of therapists and will make the effort to find one I can work with. Not easy but worth it when we do.

So having deadlines and the few tasks involved with the retired teachers office feels like too much right now. I told them I wouldn't continue to be president but still feel guilty if the organization folds because they have no president. I'm working on it but it does bother me. I wish I'd never agreed to do it in the first place, but I did. Now I just want out.

They found another person to work at Feet & More, so I can return to my Thursday afternoons there at the vitamin store and no more all-day Wednesdays and Saturdays now and then. I'm not sure if she will work when they go to those assemblies, but that would be fine with me. I'll still teach some homebound students periodically, and it's good to know it's available for extra money for trips and other fun things.

So wish me luck!

12:09:00 PM

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