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The Waking
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I cannot go.
We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.
Light takes the Tree, but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me; so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.
This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.
--Theodore Roethke
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Joy's Updates - Straight from the Horse's Mouth.
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Thursday, July 18, 2002
Swelling
Well, the Prednisone worked because now the swelling is back and painful. I guess there's inflammation from the tumors, and that's why it hurts. It's a large area that seems bigger than it was when school was out. The swelling goes from the top of my ear to below my collarbone, from the middle of the back of my neck to my throat - only now it's moving to the right past my throat and spreading quite rapidly. It's difficult to swallow and open my mouth very far and hard to get comfortable enough to sleep well. It hurts to turn my head and raise it to turn over. I called Dr. Spigel's office. Since he's on vacation until August 5 when I start chemo, his nurse practitioner called in a prescription for a dose pack which is going to be much easier to deal with and will reduce the inflammation.
I hesitate to write this on here because I keep hearing that some people are saying I'm in really bad shape and can't go back to work. I don't know how that got spread around. I probably won't feel like teaching when I begin chemotherapy. Teaching isn't like some jobs where we can go in for a while, take it easy, and leave when we feel bad. We're either there or we're not and have to give it our best. It's stressful and demanding. Because I have the accumulated sick days, I'm taking them. Ralph (the principal) suggested that I do it, so I don't feel guilty or bad to use them. I earned them and need them now. Thank goodness for that and good insurance!
Let people know if they ask and are all gloom and doom, that I'm not an invalid. Cancer isn't necessarily a death sentence and is less and less so all along. What I have is changing and needs treatment now, so I'm having it. The prognosis is good for this. I'll keep you posted, so let's all stay positive! Thanks!
9:21:00 AM
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