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The Waking
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I cannot go.
We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.
Light takes the Tree, but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me; so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.
This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.
--Theodore Roethke
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Joy's Updates - Straight from the Horse's Mouth.
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Sunday, December 29, 2002
Stuff and Things
Teaching all those years caused "stuff" and "things" to become permanent parts of my vocabulary. The students influenced me more than I did them, I think. Brian said my sense of humor took a downward turn when I was teaching elementary school students, even though they were gifted. Young nerd humor, you know. ;-)
I have PET and CT scans tomorrow at TN Oncology's place for scans in the Baptist Hospital area. The scans themselves aren't too bad - just lie in a tube for a long time and hold your breath now and then in an uncomfortable position. Sometimes they strap down my head so it won't move. I'm not claustrophobic, so it doesn't bother me even though it's not something I want to do too often. A bad part is that I'm not supposed to eat anything after 6 AM. It's almost impossible for me to eat before then. I'm generally asleep. It almost makes me sick to think about waking up before 6:00. Ugh!! The tests are at 2:00 and no eating for eight hours before them. Wish they were at 8 or 9 AM. It takes several hours for all this to be done, and this gross contrast stuff has to be drunk around 1:00, so I have to be there around 12:30. Then they inject radioactive glucose and have me lean back in a chair in a darkened room and tell me not to read or think. This is so brain activity doesn't make the glucose go there, the technician told me. Dr. Spigel said he thought that was excessive, but that's how it is. It's almost impossible not to think, especially when all this is going on, but I try. Then I'm thinking about not thinking!
Vanderbilt wants me to wait around afterwards to get copies of the scans to take to them Tuesday when I have the ultrasound and fine-needle biopsy to find out what's going on with the enlarged thyroid or growth on it. Going this long without eating and having that glucose in my veins messes with my blood sugar. Mother's going with me to notice if I drive weird or anything.
The scans tomorrow will show if there is any cancer activity, but I won't hear the results until January 6. I believe it's all gone but want to hear it. I'm nervous about it but hope for the best. The word "remission" would be a good one to start the year off well.
Mother and I went to pick up my car yesterday. It seems to drive much better and should! We went to Bellevue and met Brian there so he could give me my cell phone I let them borrow when they did their marathon Christmas driving. Milton and Barb gave them one for Christmas and paid for a year's service. I'm so glad! Barb said they were paying for baby updates and weren't proud. They had a baby shower from Milton's family who is also really excited about the baby too. Now they need a digital camera so they can send pictures of the baby to all of us. Brian said that would be their next electronic purchase. They got a scanner and will return mine that I let them "borrow" years ago. I've never even used it and had almost forgotten about it. I'd like a digital camera too and plan to get one when I pay everyone I owe. This has been an expensive year, and I haven't had my extra jobs for a while now. Years to teachers are academic years, not calendar years. For us, it's "years" and "summers."
We ate lunch at The Corner Market and then went to Bellevue Mall - lots of sales! I hope that mall stays in business. It's close and convenient. Maybe the malls will need to get federal relief since sales are down so much this year (calendar year). It's been in trouble for a while but has managed to hang in there. Hope it can.
6:04:00 PM
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