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Ramblings from a Southern liberal, Boomer, single parent, grandmother, reunited birthmother, cancer survivor, pop-culture observer, retired teacher

Most dramatic lymphoma posts are from June 2002 - February 2003 archives.

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The Waking

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I cannot go.

We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.

Light takes the Tree, but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me; so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.

This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.

--Theodore Roethke


Joy's Updates - Straight from the Horse's Mouth.
Monday, October 16, 2006  
Worst Yard Sale Ever!

All that work for nothing! Only around 15-20 people stopped by but apparently didn't like my stuff. I sold $7.95 and Molly $2.50. Considering that the ad cost $20.50, and we also paid for stickers, poster board, and markers, we lost money on it. I spent days gathering things and getting them ready for the sale, too. We took everything to Goodwill which should have been done in the first place. However, it's possible I wouldn't have sent some of those things there to begin with but would have sent some to Women Are Safe, the battered women's shelter, which I will do with some other things I still need to get rid of. I do have items I'm planning to take to someone to take there because many of them escape with nothing but the clothes they are wearing. Also it was fun visiting with Molly, so that part was good.

I'm having some withdrawal about some of my stuff even though I can look around and see all kinds of things that still need to go. When sorting through clothes and shoes, I'd remember when I wore them and what I was doing then. I can still have those memories. Next will be the books. I can chart my life from the books I have since they go through all the stages and interests. I read fiction for pleasure but buy lots of non-fiction. I get some for bibliotherapy. My first stops when I have to deal with something are the library and book stores (or Amazon as the case may be). That means I have books on child rearing, the women's movement, sex (remember The Joy of Sex and Xaviera Hollander? I learned a lot from those), divorce, helping children deal with divorce, spiritual help, self-help, Jungian psychology, Joseph Campbell & Robert Johnson & Clarissa Pinkola-Estes and all kinds of helpful people, books about teaching, decorating, every kind of diet book, lots of cook books (I like to read them), exercise and fitness books, cancer, diabetes, adoption/birthmothers, and shelves of books about writing. Maybe I need to post some book reviews. It's harder for me to get rid of books, but I think I will part with some of the stages I'm no longer interested in. I'll definitely keep the writing and mythic books and some of the fiction that I know I won't read again. Who am I kidding? I'll keep lots of the books. The grandchildren can sort through them and learn about their grandmother.

So, like Psyche, I'll sort through all these seeds with no help from the ants Eros sent her and do the best I can. I attach emotions to my stuff and will always want things around me - just not all cluttered and chaotic like they've been for too long. Also like the Jungian interpretation of Psyche, Eros is part of me and the help comes from inside myself. I'm finding that strength and getting in touch with what helps me heal.

One thing I'm doing is thinking about how the house will look when I redecorate some of it. I found some cabinet knobs I just love at Lowe's. Melissa hinted that they'd give me knobs for Christmas! Yea!!

I'm going to paint the kitchen cabinets and walls primary colors, which will be a lot of work since they are varnished and the walls are those sheets of paneling that have to be primed and painted with oil-based paint after cleaning and sanding them. It's going to be worth it and look cheerful in there. I'll take before-and-after pictures for you. I guess I'll have to wait until spring to do this since ventilation is vital with that primer. It will be fun planning and getting ready for it in the meantime. I have other rooms to work on between now and spring that require no painting. Fun, fun!

1:28:00 PM

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