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Ramblings from a Southern liberal, Boomer, single parent, grandmother, reunited birthmother, cancer survivor, pop-culture observer, retired teacher

Most dramatic lymphoma posts are from June 2002 - February 2003 archives.

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The Waking

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I cannot go.

We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.

Light takes the Tree, but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me; so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.

This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.

--Theodore Roethke


Joy's Updates - Straight from the Horse's Mouth.
Saturday, October 28, 2006  
Weekend with The Boy, Day 2

Today was great! We had a calm morning filled with reading, Teletubbies, eating, and playing. Then we went to Mother's and visited there a bit before going over to her church for Brendan to play on the new wooden Ark they have there. He calls it the park. It was such a pretty day, and he really enjoyed playing on the swings, slides, and other things there. Then we all went to Zaxby's for lunch and then shopping at Goodwill for some long pants and to Wal-Mart for a new car seat and some shoes. The one I have was given to me by Mother's neighbors Patti and Philip who are so good to her when Will and Mitch outgrew it. It's become so hard to fasten that it's driving me nuts, so I got a new one that will last for many years. He needs one a little larger anyway. I have it in the middle of the back seat which is the safest place and works well for us. I can't remember if the middle seat has a shoulder strap there or not and am thinking it doesn't, so I might have to put it on the side. I wonder if the Honda Fit has a shoulder strap in the middle seat and will check it out to see if I can ever actually see one. That's the next car I'm planning to buy, but they can't keep them in stock. I tried to see one last week when Rachel and I went to Clarksville. We stopped at Jenkins & Wynne, and the salesman said the only way anyone could be assured of getting one was to pay a $500 deposit and take what they get. I won't do that until after I actually see one and can get the color I want (the red or blue one). I'm not planning to get one until next year, so maybe they will ramp up production and more will become available. I thought this was some sly marketing ploy until Aled said there's a 6-month waiting list for them in Europe, so maybe they are selling that fast. Well, the point of this post was to describe what a wonderful day we've had and how I digressed! Brendan has been so good and fun to be with. I rocked him to sleep with "Away with Rum" by his request although I don't sing all the verses of it, just the ones about fruitcake, cookies, water, and peaches. Then I also sang "Wild Rover" (Clancy Brothers version) and "I've Been Workin' on the Railroad" since there's nothing like variety. I also taught him to sing, "I like bananas because they have appeal." We have several inside jokes and other things we say to each other. He's asleep now, and I'm thinking about the time change tonight. I heard they are planning to start DST earlier next year and end it later - from March until November. If they're going to do it 8 months, why not just have it all year?

I do manage to babble in print! ADD blogging!

10:47:00 PM

Friday, October 27, 2006  
Day 1, Night 2

He had his hair cut, and it's not so great but at least shorter than it was. I'm not happy with it and can't wait until it gets longer, so it can be shaped better. The last one he had was great. Not this one. We went several places and had fun. It took a long time for him to go to sleep, but it finally happened at 10:45. I'm really tired.

11:35:00 PM

Weekend with The Boy

Brian and Melissa brought Brendan here last night while they attend Brian's 15-year reunion at Sewanee. I can't believe he's been out of college 15 years! They'll return Sunday afternoon. Brendan is a handful! If he were more like his father was as a child, this would be a piece of cake; however, Brendan is in constant motion, requires interaction, touches everything, and is exponentially energetic! I'm not. I'm already tired. I love him and it's fun to be around him. He's quite entertaining and sweet. I don't know how grandparents bring up grandchildren, though. OK, we're going out into the world for a haircut and some play time.

12:23:00 PM

Thursday, October 26, 2006  
Two Groups

Seems that the 50's and 60's have been politicized into people who long for the 50's being the good people who have family values and are for all that is moral and true. While the 60's people are unpatriotic, tree-hugging, baby-killing, drugged out, atheistic, vegetarian peaceniks. Yes, I see some contradictions there, too, as well as a black-and-white dichotomy that goes beyond the extreme. You know that saying - there are two kinds of people: those who put people into two categories and those who don't.

I'm going to continue this on the Observations blog. Link to it is over there on the left titled Mutual Admiration Blog. See you there?

11:17:00 AM

Tuesday, October 24, 2006  
And Yet Another Question

I found an answer to this question but still don't quite understand why they chose an Abraham Lincoln reference as their symbol. I was wondering why the gay Republicans call themselves Log Cabin Republicans. This is what Wikipedia says about it.

10:14:00 AM

Another Question

Why do men have their sports coats buttoned (usually one button but sometimes two) and then when they sit, unbutton it? It must be some kind of man rule they learn in the man's underground newsletter. Who knows this? Who can make up an interesting reason for it?

1:10:00 AM

Monday, October 23, 2006  

How do they make that Lexus that parallel parks itself? I just saw a commercial for it. Is this true? I could use some help when I attempt parallel parking and believe a car that costs as much as they do should be able to do that and more!

10:05:00 PM

Sunday, October 22, 2006  

Mother, Paige, Virginia, her daughter Becky, and I went to see Dracula at the Renaissance Center this afternoon. Tina and her son Matthew were in it as well as Kelli Woodard who is a former student from Challenge Class. They did a good job and did it as a sort of melodrama which was hilarious at times. Mother and I went to Ruby Tuesday to eat afterwards. It was so good to see Virginia and Becky again. She's 14 now and so cute.

It's been a fairly lazy weekend which I've enjoyed. Sometimes those are good. Next weekend won't be lazy at all because Brendan will be here for three days while Brian and Melissa go to their reunion at Sewanee.

10:57:00 PM

Monday, October 16, 2006  
Worst Yard Sale Ever!

All that work for nothing! Only around 15-20 people stopped by but apparently didn't like my stuff. I sold $7.95 and Molly $2.50. Considering that the ad cost $20.50, and we also paid for stickers, poster board, and markers, we lost money on it. I spent days gathering things and getting them ready for the sale, too. We took everything to Goodwill which should have been done in the first place. However, it's possible I wouldn't have sent some of those things there to begin with but would have sent some to Women Are Safe, the battered women's shelter, which I will do with some other things I still need to get rid of. I do have items I'm planning to take to someone to take there because many of them escape with nothing but the clothes they are wearing. Also it was fun visiting with Molly, so that part was good.

I'm having some withdrawal about some of my stuff even though I can look around and see all kinds of things that still need to go. When sorting through clothes and shoes, I'd remember when I wore them and what I was doing then. I can still have those memories. Next will be the books. I can chart my life from the books I have since they go through all the stages and interests. I read fiction for pleasure but buy lots of non-fiction. I get some for bibliotherapy. My first stops when I have to deal with something are the library and book stores (or Amazon as the case may be). That means I have books on child rearing, the women's movement, sex (remember The Joy of Sex and Xaviera Hollander? I learned a lot from those), divorce, helping children deal with divorce, spiritual help, self-help, Jungian psychology, Joseph Campbell & Robert Johnson & Clarissa Pinkola-Estes and all kinds of helpful people, books about teaching, decorating, every kind of diet book, lots of cook books (I like to read them), exercise and fitness books, cancer, diabetes, adoption/birthmothers, and shelves of books about writing. Maybe I need to post some book reviews. It's harder for me to get rid of books, but I think I will part with some of the stages I'm no longer interested in. I'll definitely keep the writing and mythic books and some of the fiction that I know I won't read again. Who am I kidding? I'll keep lots of the books. The grandchildren can sort through them and learn about their grandmother.

So, like Psyche, I'll sort through all these seeds with no help from the ants Eros sent her and do the best I can. I attach emotions to my stuff and will always want things around me - just not all cluttered and chaotic like they've been for too long. Also like the Jungian interpretation of Psyche, Eros is part of me and the help comes from inside myself. I'm finding that strength and getting in touch with what helps me heal.

One thing I'm doing is thinking about how the house will look when I redecorate some of it. I found some cabinet knobs I just love at Lowe's. Melissa hinted that they'd give me knobs for Christmas! Yea!!

I'm going to paint the kitchen cabinets and walls primary colors, which will be a lot of work since they are varnished and the walls are those sheets of paneling that have to be primed and painted with oil-based paint after cleaning and sanding them. It's going to be worth it and look cheerful in there. I'll take before-and-after pictures for you. I guess I'll have to wait until spring to do this since ventilation is vital with that primer. It will be fun planning and getting ready for it in the meantime. I have other rooms to work on between now and spring that require no painting. Fun, fun!

1:28:00 PM

Wednesday, October 11, 2006  
Rushing to the Finish Line

I haven't posted because I'm frantically trying to gather things for a yard sale I'm having Saturday. I've only had two of them about 25 years ago, so thank goodness for Molly who is coming over Friday to price and arrange things. She and her mother are professionals, so that's going to make this possible. I have so much stuff. Whatever I can get rid of this weekend will help that much. I haven't gotten to it all yet and will have another one when school is out in June. Anything between now and then will go to Goodwill or Swap 'n Shop. Those are my plans anyway. We'll see. Wish me luck.

5:23:00 PM

Tuesday, October 03, 2006  
Happy Birthday to Me!

Today is my birthday, and I've had a really good time. I had some birthday greeting phone calls, and Mother and I ate lunch at the Corner Bistro. I got free dessert since it was my birthday and asked for tiramisu. I couldn't eat it there and brought it home with me to enjoy later which I did, and it was delicious! Then Mother and I went to Lowe's where I spent my birthday money on some organizers. I just love going to office supply and home & garden stores. It's like going to the source of some of those shows on HGTV even though I've been going to them since way before HGTV existed.

I've been on a low-carb, house decluttering/organizing, money-saving mission and am obsessed with it right now. That's what it takes for me to stay motivated. I've been following the eating plan in Protein Power, which my internist told me to do, and I'm feeling so good and like myself again. It's great! It's also amazing how crappy I've been feeling for years. Celebrating being alive the way I did when I survived cancer wasn't the way to go with all that. It gave me more problems which I'm now having to deal with. So now I am. Wish me luck!

My brother brought by some peanut butter fudge he made me for my birthday. He makes the best I've ever eaten. It was a big batch of it, so I put it in little bags that went into the freezer. Eventually I can eat it and will have that to look forward to. But first things first.

Sunday Mother, Brian, Melissa, Brendan, and I met at Fido for brunch and then went to TACA, the really good arts and crafts show at Centennial Park. Brian called about a week ago to ask if I knew what he wanted for his birthday. I answered, "Yes, when do you want me to keep him?" So I had Brendan here Saturday afternoon overnight while Brian's friends had a party for him. Here's what he said about it on his LiveJournal entry. They had lots of fun and apparently an awesome cake. It sounds decadently delicious. There are photos and everything. Sunday was a lot of fun getting to be with family and out in the great weather.

Today was a good day - beautiful weather, loving company, delicious meal, and fun shopping. I've been wondering about the best birthday I've spent. As a child, it was my ninth birthday when I got my Toni doll. As an adult, there have been many enjoyable ones. What about you? Which birthday was your best one?

7:47:00 PM

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