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The Waking
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I cannot go.
We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.
Light takes the Tree, but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me; so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.
This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.
--Theodore Roethke
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Joy's Updates - Straight from the Horse's Mouth.
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Wednesday, June 19, 2002
Kathy
Some of you asked about the reference to my daughter. This was my big announcement at the end of school last year.
May 15, 2001, I was sitting at my mission control center in the den attending to email and watching/taping "Judging Amy" with the cats lying in petting range, remote controls accessible, and the cordless phone at elbow. When I checked the Caller-ID, I didn't recognize the man's name on it. The woman on the phone asked if I were Joy Durham and then wanted to be sure if I were the one she was looking for. When she asked if my birthday were October 3, 1943, I asked who she was. This was getting weird! Then she bravely said that her name was Kathy Sivley and told me her birth date. That's when I knew she was the baby I gave up for adoption when I was an unmarried college student.
After a halting beginning, the conversation tumbled over itself with questions and answers. Yes, she'd had parents who loved and cared for her. No, she didn't hate me. Yes, she is short and has curly hair. We did really well and covered a wide range of subjects for over two hours. Kathy is married to Mark and has three children (Kelsey - 9, Kari - 7, and Luke - 3) who now call me Grammy. They live on Signal Mtn in a pretty house and are a happy, traditional family. Her adopted parents were the age of my parents and Baptist Republicans. (well, there is that) Kathy's father died when she was 10, and her mother is in an assisted-living facility with her second husband and has Alzheimers.
During this year of reunion, Kathy and I are conducting our own nature/nurture study. It's amazing how much is inherited. For example, she said she always got in trouble for talking so much and her smart mouth. See? That's just one example!
When we got off the phone, I called Brian and woke him and Melissa to tell them the news. They agreed it was definitely worth it and were delighted. Brian's known about this since he was fourteen when I felt it was the time to tell him. Not long after our conversation, I joined an online support group for reunited birthmothers which has been a blessing and more help than imaginable. These women have become friends who understand and offer support.
8:04:00 PM
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