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Ramblings from a Southern liberal, Boomer, single parent, grandmother, reunited birthmother, cancer survivor, pop-culture observer, retired teacher

Most dramatic lymphoma posts are from June 2002 - February 2003 archives.

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The Waking

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I cannot go.

We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.

Light takes the Tree, but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me; so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.

This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.

--Theodore Roethke


Joy's Updates - Straight from the Horse's Mouth.
Tuesday, October 29, 2002  
Weighty Subject

The convoluted thinking we go through about some things! Weight being one of them. I've been eating what I wanted since I lost 25 lbs after chemo, fever, and trauma. I didn't gain but 5 lbs back and maintained the rest quite happily and thought this is how life would continue for me until I had more chemo and could lose the other 15 lbs I wanted as a reward for enduring a horrible experience. Funny how the good news/bad news joke backfires, isn't it? Today on the hospital scales were, much to my chagrin, five more pounds! Well, they were on me actually, but why quibble.

Rituxan doesn't have the side-effects that make food and water taste bad, so I'm going to have to do this myself now. No help from a blitzkrieg of toxic chemicals for me again!! Oh no! I must do this the old fashioned way - sensible eating and exercise. The weather even cooperates now for walking, and with a beautiful view of the changing leaves, I have no choice but to begin. Perhaps it will become a good habit and one I look forward to. Perhaps Hell has frozen over. I wonder why I'm not still doing it after it was a habit in the past. Priorities! That's it, I'm sure. I've perfected wasting time to an art form but must now mend my ways and blah-blah blah-blah blah-blah. Right? Or is it yadda yadda? We optimistic malcontents have rationalizations for everything!

4:54:00 PM

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