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The Waking
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I cannot go.
We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.
Light takes the Tree, but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me; so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.
This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.
--Theodore Roethke
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Joy's Updates - Straight from the Horse's Mouth.
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Monday, December 30, 2002
Two Down
The worst tests are over - two to go! At least I hope this was the worst. I didn't get up early enough to eat before 6:00, I went from supper last night until 4:00, but with this sinus congestion I wasn't too hungry anyway. That barium contrast is really gaggy to drink, and I had to drink two big plastic bottles of it. Yuck! Then I went in this room where they checked my blood sugar which was fine (98) and then put an IV in of radioactive glucose. I stayed in that chair, leaned back, but couldn't stop thinking. I had to drink another half bottle of that barium. Double yuck!!
The PET and CT scans are done one after the other in the same tube. I'm not sure why it's so narrow and arms have to stay over our heads, but that's how it is. After they injected the dye, I felt warm all over and then after a little while had an allergic reaction to it. My chest felt as if something heavy was on it, and my lungs and chest were about to explode. They were definitely attentive and asked questions and checked me. Then they called in a doctor from downstairs, I think. There's a neurology group there. He asked some questions and checked me, too, and decided not to give me Benadryl just then but said to if I kept having trouble breathing. It went away after 5-10 minutes. The technician said I was very sensitive to medication. I thought, "If you only knew!"
I'm pretty wiped out now and am going to go to bed early. Hope I can sleep. I didn't much last night but it's from nervousness now. Last time I had these tests I knew I had cancer. This time I want it to be gone.
7:00:00 PM
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