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The Waking
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I cannot go.
We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.
Light takes the Tree, but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me; so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.
This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.
--Theodore Roethke
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Joy's Updates - Straight from the Horse's Mouth.
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Monday, October 20, 2003
Progressive Recovery
I was thinking recently how about how good I feel now - more energy and stamina. I'm able to get through the day without feeling wiped out and am generally doing pretty well - better than I have in years. The odd thing is that it's all relative. Since I was recovering from near-death a year ago, just about anything was an improvement. I kept thinking I felt good until I felt better and realized how bad I'd been feeling before. So I wonder what's next and how where I am now will look through the rear-view mirror. Somehow this makes sense to me.
Something that's really hard for me but that I need to learn to do is ask for help. It's been offered, and I kept thinking I could do what I needed to get done without whining and being a wimp. Apparently not. There are some things I am going to have to get help with, so I'm going to suck it up and accept it and be glad there are people willing to do it. Somehow I'm able to teach though and keep up with all of that. I'm just not doing any extras.
It's been bad enough to go through all this without beating myself up for not doing better and feeling guilty about it.
It was OK being back at school today. I didn't dread going back but will be delighted when I can retire. It was good to see people again, and I like being there at Creek Wood. I got four new students in that infamous class I told you about who returned to school after being at the alternative school. Hope they've been rehabilitated. I don't know what they did to get in there, but I know what a process it is to have them sent to it. Wish me luck!!
7:19:00 PM
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