|
| |
|
|
| |
The Waking
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I cannot go.
We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.
Light takes the Tree, but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me; so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.
This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.
--Theodore Roethke
|
|
|
|
Joy's Updates - Straight from the Horse's Mouth.
|
|
| |
Tuesday, December 31, 2002
Reflections on 2002 ~ Year of the Neck
During this year I ....
- was thrilled to hear Brian and Melissa are having a baby boy they plan to name Brendan
- celebrated a year of being in touch with Kathy - and three grandchildren and a son-in-law!
- didn't get to spend as much time with Kathy as we wanted but we stayed in touch and feel close
- got to teach English 102 spring and summer semesters at Watkins College of Art and Design and Film School and met some great students
- taught creative writing and hope they enjoyed it as much as I did
- got a new computer
- found out I'd have to have chemo for lymphoma
- had fever for over a month and felt horrible
- didn't realize I could feel worse but did
- almost died but wasn't quite dead
- spent a week in Vanderbilt Hospital
- had a nurse named Angel who really was one
- learned how to do a wet-to-dry bandage which scared Janelle and me, but we found out we could do it - we're proud of that, too!
- got a renewed appreciation for Janelle who is already amazing
- created this blog
- heard from people I thought I'd lost touch with and many who have been in contact
- appreciated all the cards, flowers, and gifts from people - really made me feel special and cared about - Thank you!!
- felt the support, love, concern, and encouragment from so many friends - how wonderful is that!
- had a get-together with classmates and had so much fun
- watched too much TV but enjoy having the time to do it
- will still be on sick leave for the rest of the school year
- can't remember the last time I had a date or an unreasonable facsimile of one - 2000 might have marked a change in my social life with men as I used to know it
- have become a cliche - an old woman who lives alone with cats - might have something to do with the previous observation
- decorated for Christmas
- never got around to sending Christmas cards
- voted (oh well)
- made a list of celebrities around my age who are dead - some are George Harrison, Dudley Moore, Bruce Paltrow, Julia Phillips, Robert Urich, John Thaw (Inspector Morse), Jim Morrison, John Denver, Janis Joplin, Jim Croce, David Geffen, and Arthur Ashe
- made another list in case that was too morbid of some born the same year I was who are also still around - they are Mick Jagger, Rod Stewart, Joe Pesci, Sharon Gless, Christopher Walken, Keith Richards, Bill Bradley, Toni Tennille, Robert De Niro, Valerie Perrine, and Sam Shepard
- spent more time with Mother and had fun having lunch lots of places - she was a lifesaver in so many ways!
It's been a hard year in many ways but has definitely had its rewards. I've seen the new year in many ways with significant others, friends, family, alone and have done it dancing and partying, intimately, spiritually, and reflectively. This year I decided to treat it like Tuesday but without watching my usual TV shows (all reruns) and watched The History of Sex on The History Channel. Interesting, educational, and not something I've done before. Then I watched Tim Russert interview Yogi Berra ("I didn't really say everything I said."), Whitey Ford, and Phil Rizutto. Great fun! No movies, no countdowns, no year in review, no party. I've enjoyed the evening listening to the rain, writing this, and feeling good.
Thank you for everything you've done and for being here! Happy New Year!!
10:03:00 PM
Or Would You Rather Have a Needle in Your Throat?
There are things I'd much rather have been doing this afternoon than being stabbed in the throat with a neede many times. An attending physician instructed a resident as he probed around on his way to and inside my thyroid to extract some cells. Then he did it the last time or two. It hurts but not enough to have something for it - just mostly hurts at the time and then is sore for a while. The ultrasound technician and a cytologist were in the room, too. All I know is there is a mass in my thyroid. There are several things it could be. One of them is cancer. I have a theory I'd like to see implemented. If a person has one kind of cancer, s/he should be exempt from having any other kind. Sounds good to me. It could also be a goiter or some other growth in there. I really do believe my neck has been through enough to last the rest of my life. Enough is enough!!
8:52:00 PM
Monday, December 30, 2002
Two Down
The worst tests are over - two to go! At least I hope this was the worst. I didn't get up early enough to eat before 6:00, I went from supper last night until 4:00, but with this sinus congestion I wasn't too hungry anyway. That barium contrast is really gaggy to drink, and I had to drink two big plastic bottles of it. Yuck! Then I went in this room where they checked my blood sugar which was fine (98) and then put an IV in of radioactive glucose. I stayed in that chair, leaned back, but couldn't stop thinking. I had to drink another half bottle of that barium. Double yuck!!
The PET and CT scans are done one after the other in the same tube. I'm not sure why it's so narrow and arms have to stay over our heads, but that's how it is. After they injected the dye, I felt warm all over and then after a little while had an allergic reaction to it. My chest felt as if something heavy was on it, and my lungs and chest were about to explode. They were definitely attentive and asked questions and checked me. Then they called in a doctor from downstairs, I think. There's a neurology group there. He asked some questions and checked me, too, and decided not to give me Benadryl just then but said to if I kept having trouble breathing. It went away after 5-10 minutes. The technician said I was very sensitive to medication. I thought, "If you only knew!"
I'm pretty wiped out now and am going to go to bed early. Hope I can sleep. I didn't much last night but it's from nervousness now. Last time I had these tests I knew I had cancer. This time I want it to be gone.
7:00:00 PM
Sunday, December 29, 2002
Stuff and Things
Teaching all those years caused "stuff" and "things" to become permanent parts of my vocabulary. The students influenced me more than I did them, I think. Brian said my sense of humor took a downward turn when I was teaching elementary school students, even though they were gifted. Young nerd humor, you know. ;-)
I have PET and CT scans tomorrow at TN Oncology's place for scans in the Baptist Hospital area. The scans themselves aren't too bad - just lie in a tube for a long time and hold your breath now and then in an uncomfortable position. Sometimes they strap down my head so it won't move. I'm not claustrophobic, so it doesn't bother me even though it's not something I want to do too often. A bad part is that I'm not supposed to eat anything after 6 AM. It's almost impossible for me to eat before then. I'm generally asleep. It almost makes me sick to think about waking up before 6:00. Ugh!! The tests are at 2:00 and no eating for eight hours before them. Wish they were at 8 or 9 AM. It takes several hours for all this to be done, and this gross contrast stuff has to be drunk around 1:00, so I have to be there around 12:30. Then they inject radioactive glucose and have me lean back in a chair in a darkened room and tell me not to read or think. This is so brain activity doesn't make the glucose go there, the technician told me. Dr. Spigel said he thought that was excessive, but that's how it is. It's almost impossible not to think, especially when all this is going on, but I try. Then I'm thinking about not thinking!
Vanderbilt wants me to wait around afterwards to get copies of the scans to take to them Tuesday when I have the ultrasound and fine-needle biopsy to find out what's going on with the enlarged thyroid or growth on it. Going this long without eating and having that glucose in my veins messes with my blood sugar. Mother's going with me to notice if I drive weird or anything.
The scans tomorrow will show if there is any cancer activity, but I won't hear the results until January 6. I believe it's all gone but want to hear it. I'm nervous about it but hope for the best. The word "remission" would be a good one to start the year off well.
Mother and I went to pick up my car yesterday. It seems to drive much better and should! We went to Bellevue and met Brian there so he could give me my cell phone I let them borrow when they did their marathon Christmas driving. Milton and Barb gave them one for Christmas and paid for a year's service. I'm so glad! Barb said they were paying for baby updates and weren't proud. They had a baby shower from Milton's family who is also really excited about the baby too. Now they need a digital camera so they can send pictures of the baby to all of us. Brian said that would be their next electronic purchase. They got a scanner and will return mine that I let them "borrow" years ago. I've never even used it and had almost forgotten about it. I'd like a digital camera too and plan to get one when I pay everyone I owe. This has been an expensive year, and I haven't had my extra jobs for a while now. Years to teachers are academic years, not calendar years. For us, it's "years" and "summers."
We ate lunch at The Corner Market and then went to Bellevue Mall - lots of sales! I hope that mall stays in business. It's close and convenient. Maybe the malls will need to get federal relief since sales are down so much this year (calendar year). It's been in trouble for a while but has managed to hang in there. Hope it can.
6:04:00 PM
Friday, December 27, 2002
Cars
I took my car to the service department yesterday to have that groaning checked the steering was making. It was the power steering pump! Needs to be replaced since it was leaking. That plus all the other stuff that it needs is quite expensive. It was out of warranty in June and wasn't making that sound then - of course. It hasn't been serviced the way it needed to be for a while now, so that is a factor, I'm sure. At least it will be safe now. This delayed my trip to see Kathy, so I'll go tomorrow and come back Sunday.
Brian and Melissa got back late last night/early this morning. I got an email from him to let me know they had a great time but were exhausted. I know it was fun but is good to be back home.
I got All Over but the Shoutin' by Rick Bragg for Christmas and will let you know what I think of it. It was recommended to me by a few people, so I'm looking forward to reading it and plan to take it with me when I have those tests Monday and Tuesday. Any books you want to recommend?
You might have noticed that I didn't win the lottery or powerball.
11:11:00 AM
Wednesday, December 25, 2002
Christmas Day
I hope all of you had a good Christmas. We went to Mother's yesterday to exchange gifts, eat, play games, and spend time together. We played the 20th Anniversary Trivial Pursuit but some of us didn't like it. Sally and I are usually partners and realized that we haven't been aware during the last twenty years. Is anyone surprised? Then we played Cranium which was better. I really like that game. Amy and Chris flew back to Kansas this morning. Janelle took them to the airport. Brian and Melissa didn't spend the night last night so they could go to Atlanta for Christmas with her father and brother. Brian's cousin also lives in Atlanta, so they're going there to celebrate with the Cookseys. Then they are off to Alabama to be with her mother. This is a lot of driving for them and tiring for Melissa.
I called Kathy today and am going there to see them Friday if all goes well with the car and weather. I'm getting the car worked on tomorrow. They had a good Christmas and all sounded really great. They are a sweet family, and it's so good to know them now.
8:38:00 PM
Monday, December 23, 2002
Christmas Card to You from Me
Merry Christmas!
Be sure to put the cursor on the angel and snowman. Speaking of cards, I haven't sent mine yet. I haven't sent Christmas cards for years but thought I would this time. No reason really and no excuse for this procrastination, except habit and practice. This is why I choose to call them Holiday cards! Possibly they'll arrive sometime during the holidays. If not, they'll be the earliest ones for next year.
Seriously, I wish all of you a warm and happy Christmas and a healthy, prosperous, and wonderful New Year!!
12:08:00 PM
The Ultimate Toys (Parenthetically Speaking)
Yesterday when Brian, Melissa, and I were shopping we went to The Game Keep. You will not believe what they have there! I didn't even know they existed. Official Monty Python toys! Giant Killer Rabbit with Big Pointy Teeth (Run away! Run away!) and The Black Knight with detachable arms and legs (It's only a flesh wound!). Isn't this great? Those were the only two he had in stock, but I saw others on the box. Those are The Penguin on the Television (Brian and I memorized that routine when he was around 11 or so), Live Parrot (sleeping) (perhaps he's pining for the fjords), and Bloody Rabbit. I found a website that sells them, so you can see the pictures. I couldn't wait to tell some of you about this. If any of those had been on my desk, I'd have complained even more when you touched my stuff! I know, it would have been hard to complain more than I did about that, but why did you have to touch everything? Why? Why?
11:01:00 AM
End-of-Year Testing
I'm dealing with tests differently from the way I usually do this year. No grammar & literature tests, mid-term and final exams, Gateway tests, grading final essays, averaging grades, entering them in the computer, and hearing complaints and relief from students. Last school year I didn't have to have meetings with parents to discuss and sign IEP's, coordinate screening, and do the mountains of paperwork required by special ed for teaching gifted students. Being judged by your students' scores has become too large a part of teaching now. I'm all for accountability, but some of this goes too far and is really stressful. I haven't had to be concerned about it personally this term, though. Now as the end of the year gets closer, I will have CT and PET scans at TN Oncology December 30, to be sure the cancer is gone, and an ultrasound and fine-needle biopsy at Vanderbilt December 31, to show what's going on with my thyroid. My appointment with Dr. Spigel is January 6 and with Dr. Burkey January 20 to get the results. This has been quite a year with a different kind of stress!
10:47:00 AM
Sunday, December 22, 2002
New Stuff
I changed the template of Around the Bend and lost the customizations, just as they said I would, so your comments are gone. Interestingly, when the date or comment is clicked, it takes you to the old one. Necessity might be the mother of invention, but curiosity is in the running.
Brian, Melissa, and I are meeting for brunch at Ellendale's. My friend Charlie said our family was keeping them in business. Then we're going to get out among the shoppers. Brian said we hadn't done any frantic Christmas shopping together since he was in college. He's one of the rare men who knows how to shop and doesn't mind it. In fact one year after he was home from college and we were doing our Christmas shopping (I had to wait until I got my Career Ladder check to be able to do most of it), we were looking for some things when he reminded me, "Mom, Mom! You're in browsing mode! Get in shopping mode! We don't have much time!"
Since it was just the two of us since he was five, he went most places with me and was my running buddy. We had a good time and enjoyed exploring and being together. He's such a good son and will soon experience the delight of having his own son. He and Melissa will be great parents. They love each other and already love Brendan. That's the greatest gift they can give their children.
8:49:00 AM
Saturday, December 21, 2002
MLD and Other Transformations
Yesterday I went to the high school faculty breakfast and enjoyed seeing people. Hugs and some catching up! Fun!! Some of the teachers I hoped to see weren't there, but maybe I'll catch them later. I'm going to try to go by the day they go back from vacation since it's an administrative day and go through my stuff I left there. DJ said it wasn't in the way, and I hope it isn't but feel I should be sure. He asked if I were coming back, and I told him I was working on that. I haven't felt like thinking about it and decided I would wait until after the first of the year to check into possibilities. Chemohead is a reality. I can tell my memory and thinking aren't like they have been, which was bad enough, I know!! So let's hope I will be mentally competent to figure this out and to get a job.
Yesterday after MLD, Debbie said I didn't need any more since the lymphedema is gone and the fibrosis is much better. MLD makes the lymph fluid move ten times faster which makes healing faster too. All this in two months!! The month and a half before I went to her didn't show much improvement. The wound was smaller and not quite as deep, but it has healed completely now! Real skin has grown over it and layers have filled in. There is a scar and scar tissue, but Debbie said massage can help break up the scar tissue. I had no idea it could do that. I also had no idea this could heal so quickly. What took two months with MLD would have taken over a year without it (probably longer), and there could have been problems with muscles becoming atrophied because of severely limited range of motion in my neck from all this. It's like magic!! Doctors told me there would probably always be swelling and that some of this would never go away. We'll see. I wish everyone knew about MLD and what it can do.
Debbie told me about someone who had sinus surgery that she treated once a day two days before his surgery. Most people who have this surgery have major swelling and black eyes. His doctor told him he didn't lose but a tablespoon of blood and that he couldn't believe how well he did. He came to see Debbie the next day after his surgery and had no swelling or discoloration around his eyes. He healed really well, too. This stuff works!! It's not just for cancer-related lymphedema but for any swelling and bruising from injury and pre-surgery. By doing it before or as soon after as possible, MLD helps the body heal itself.
Insurance won't pay for it in TN unless physical therapists do it in the hospital and the doctors order it. Only a few hospitals provide it though. Apparently, they don't realize that in order for massage therapists to be certified in MLD, they have to have graduated from an accredited massage school before they can take the classes. Don't go to anyone who hasn't been properly trained in MLD. Some therapists can take a short seminar, which doesn't really prepare them. They need to go four weeks to Vodder training. He's the founder of it and trained the instructors. It's a rigorous and expensive four weeks. Debbie went to Austria where this originated for the last two weeks of her classes. They are required to update with continuing education as well. Debbie was instrumental in having massage therapists licensed by the state and is still on the board to approve and monitor licenses and education. This is not "alternative medicine" but based on physiology and anatomy. MLD is a complex therapy because the lymphatic system is complicated. Some insurance companies and some states recognize this and act accordingly. If more doctors see the results, they will want their patients to benefit from this therapy and heal faster. Until then, it's out of our pockets.
10:26:00 AM
Thursday, December 19, 2002
Activities
I failed to mention meeting friends for breakfast Tuesday morning. Emma, Gwynn, Nancy, and I had breakfast with Dave who's in town for Christmas visiting. We laughed and told stories and laughed more. It was fun. I enjoy the retired life and look forward to being able to do it full-time. It's great getting out and doing things while others are at work, and when I'd ordinarily be there. It's also convenient to be able to make appointments at any time. I've only recently begun to enjoy this time off from work since it is in fact sick leave. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the scans give good news and no more chemo is in store. Then I can finish getting over the effects of the treatment. All good things come to an end, and this will, too. After the first of the year, I need to beging the process to retire and find another job. I think I mentioned that state teacher retirement isn't but around half of my inadequate salary, so I'll have to do something. Jobs aren't exactly plentiful now since the economy is so bad, but surely I can find something. If not, I'll have to teach half-time.
12:45:00 PM
Wednesday, December 18, 2002
Gratuity Not Included
After decades of shopping at the same grocery and not tipping, I was involved in a conversation recently about tipping the sackers who take the groceries to our cars. I suppose I'm known by reputation there and didn't realize it. Now I'm not sure what to do. That branched out to all the others people generally tip. In restaurants it's standard, and I must admit that I've been judgmental about how generous or cheap others are when tipping. When service is poor, it does send a message, but there should be ways to avoid all this math and angst. Unless it's an urban legend, TIPS originally stood for To Insure Prompt Service. I'm not sure how that evolved into what goes on now, which seems to be To Increase Poor Salary. In that case, why don't teachers get tips? Former students could send money when something we taught them is of benefit. I like this idea!!
Patio update: The leaves I so arduously raked and swept are being blown back on from the roof and yard. (well, probably not the same leaves) I called the guy who mows my yard to do whatever he does with his riding mower to get rid of them since I really don't want to rake the whole yard. That's real work!! Now, however, I have to go sweep the patio again. I like chores that only have to be done once but don't believe there are any. Do I sense some commitment issues here or laziness and a short attention span? Hmm, I have admitted to being a relationship sprinter instead of marathon runner. (not proud of it) It's like those flowers that come back every year are hopeful while those that die and have to be replaced are sort of sad. A pattern emerges.
11:24:00 AM
Monday, December 16, 2002
Turned A Corner, I Hope!
Still feeling better and having more energy. So far, so good! This feels so hopeful! I can't believe how much I've enjoyed working outside since I never really understood what people got out of it. Maybe all those episodes of Ground Force I've been watching helped program me. It really does clear the mind and provides a sense of accomplishment. How about that? Now perhaps I'll have that feeling from working inside the house. This I've experienced though!
There were some problems with Blogger yesterday. It took trying off and on for hours to post my update, but it finally did it. Not sure what was going on but glad it was fixed. I've considered upgrading so I can post pictures and have other features on here now that I am in the habit of keeping up with this. I enjoy doing it and reading other ones as well. If any of you start one, please let me know, so I can keep up with yours, too. This is free. Just click the icon for blogger at the bottom of this page and read about it. If you find another one you like better, let me know. What I like about it is that it provides an easy way to get information to people even though others can read it if they search or whatever. I think it really came in handy during treatment, surgery, and all this I've been through. Many of you have told me how glad you are that you could read about it from me and know what's going on. Let's remember how helpful Brian was when I was in the hospital, too. Thanks, Brian! Thanks again to all of you for everything!
5:20:00 PM
Sunday, December 15, 2002
Breakthrough
Since it was a sunny day in the 50's and my energy level is increasing, I actually got outside and worked. I even enjoyed it! There were millions of leaves on the patio, and the ones on the bottom were wet and trying to become compost. I raked them off and relocated some in the yard and swept the patio. Then I cleaned the table and chairs and washed some windows. Amazing, isn't it? Even when I feel good, I don't really like to do all that, but it felt good to be able to and feel like doing it.
Have any of you heard any predictions for weather this winter? For some reason, I think it will snow a few times.
11:12:00 PM
Saturday, December 14, 2002
Deck the Tables
I compromised with myself and bought small table-top trees that already have lights and decorations. Both are two feet tall. One is in the living room and has gold decorations on it and blinking white lights. The other one in the den is fiber optic. I like the way the colors change and are festive. I'd like to keep it out all year. I also have a wreath on the door and couldn't resist getting a sign post with a deer and "Yuletide Joy" on it which is outside now. Other decorations I've had for ages have joined them, so I have decorated for Christmas. It feels good, too. The cats are fascinated but don't think of these little trees as cat toys and knock the decorations off the bottom branches of the tree the way they did with my large one. Decorating a tree with cats in the house becomes their play time anyway and makes it take twice as long to check the lights. Anything that can be dragged or rolled around the floor is fair game for them.
When I'm not feeling that great, my tree decorating phobia comes back. For some reason, it just seems overwhelming to get out the tree, lights, decorations, and take all that time putting them on the tree only to have to take it all back down again. These little trees are manageable and easier to deal with. Some things are more fun to do with and for someone, like cooking.
People said to go to those discount places to find a tree like I wanted, so I went to Big Lots, Fred's, Dollar General, and other places that I don't go to regularly. After seeing some of the prices, I need to though! The real reason I don't shop there is that the conversations I overhear aren't as interesting as the ones yuppies have, but either way I think of it as gathering material. The first conversation I heard was to a young redneckish guy from a girl who asked him, "Are you a daddy yet?" He told her he had been for four months now and that "he'd growed real big now." Next a man growled to his wife, "I never heard of mirror tiles before," to which she explained, "They go on the wall." Then as I checked out, the woman with bleached hair in need of retouching and bad teeth asked me if I'd "ever had strawberry cream cheese on them ginger snaps - it's real good." I told her it sounded good and did they sell it there. She said unfortunately no and then added, "You don't have to get Philadelphia's - you can get a cheaper kind. It's still good, Sweetheart." Then when I left, "Merry Christmas, Hon."
Admit it, we're all snobs about something. I am about education, which should make you feel better since that's my career. I've tried to help stomp out ignorance, but some of those conversations make me think I needed clown shoes.
11:57:00 AM
Netiquette in Blog World
Just thought I'd mention that it's proper netiquette to comment on the comments others make on blogs. In fact, some of the commenters have discussions with each other separate from the one who wrote the blog. They begin by commenting on what was posted and carry on from there. Some of them even become angry and resort to name-calling and tackiness. We're above that kind of behavior, of course. (well, some are) So all comments don't have to be directed to me but can respond to what others wrote as well. It would be entertaining to me, which is all that's really important anyway! Just a reminder from your friendly neighborhood guide to trivia.
10:38:00 AM
Thursday, December 12, 2002
Shop-a-rama
Mother and I went to Sister's for lunch and then shopped. Neither of us was too focused but managed to get things done. I still have some more to do before I'm finished. Some shopping I did online which I usually do. Dickson has some neat shops with quite a bit of variety.
11:32:00 PM
Wednesday, December 11, 2002
Quote
I found this quote and like it:
Never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
- Clementine Paddleford
Then I thought who is Clementine Paddleford and why am I quoting someone I haven't heard of, so I googled her and found out she was a food editor. Now we know!
I also have a new question on the guest book. In the spirit of fairness, I'll answer it as well. My family I grew up in is most like a combination of those 50's TV families. Yes, really, we were a lot like Donna Reed, Father Knows Best, and Leave it to Beaver. Mother didn't wear pearls and heels while cleaning the way "June Dear" did though. Don't let this deter you from commenting. Be funny! Be proud! It's what helped make us who we are!
Perhaps Brian can describe what kind of family he grew up in better than I can. I'm trying to think if there was one on TV like ours. Not that many single-mother shows on except for One Day at a Time and Julia that I can remember. We'd have to make up something, like Bernice (from Designing Women) Brings up Calvin (of Calvin and Hobbes but who looks like Harry Potter). It's an unwieldy title but gets the point across. I always thought I was more like Mary Jo in personality (and wish I looked like Annie Potts), but Brian made a good case for Bernice, much as I hate to admit it.
1:23:00 PM
How are you feeling? How are you REALLY feeling?
Last night was fun. The food was good and the company even better. It was nice to meet some of the husbands of the women in the support group. Men rarely come to the meetings for some reason. Support groups are great because the members really do understand what each other is going through. People mean well but too often just don't know what to say to someone with cancer or other life-threatening diseases. It doesn't help when people minimize feelings or the experience or try to cheer us up when we need to say how scared we are or how bad we feel. Just nodding your head, hugging, agreeing with us, or saying that it sucks or you are sorry we feel bad is more validating. Letting us know you're thinking about and/or praying for us is a help. I think I'm on just about all the prayer lists around here and some other states as well. I've been at a loss many times when someone dies and I didn't know what to say to the family or how to comfort someone sick, so I know they have good intentions. I've said the wrong things and have made mistakes and probably will again. We're human. We do that.
At support groups or with other people who have gone through experiences we have, we do know how it feels. We can ask questions, compare notes, and help each other. Almost everyone has been touched by cancer. Dr. Phil (ok, I have to quote him sometime LOL) said when people have cancer, it affects their whole family, friends, and others who care about them. This is so true, isn't it? Once again, thanks to all of you! It helps knowing you're keeping up with me, that you care, and having a sounding board. (this sentence is not parallel - oops) So thanks again for all you've written, said, and done!! Thanks for reading and being here with me. I need and appreciate you all!
9:53:00 AM
Tuesday, December 10, 2002
Dinner
The cancer support group here in Dickson is having dinner together at The Front Porch tonight. Emma is coming by to drive us there. It should be fun. We're taking $10 gifts to play dirty Christmas. That reminds me of the Vanleer Elementary School Christmas parties I was fortunate enough to be invited to when Janey Thomas was principal. We went somewhere in Clarksville and had a great time. That's when Cindy Draper made so much fun of me for my giftwrapping, so I kept making it worse. Comments were made about my teaching the gifted but not doing so well with wrapping gifts. Ah, the jokes and remarks over the years! I've been given mugs with that Gary Larson cartoon about the Midvale School for the Gifted, and I have pushed doors supposed to be pulled. I guess they rubbed off on me some. Yeah, that's it. The gift I'm taking tonight has its own wrapping. I'm learning!
11:19:00 AM
Monday, December 09, 2002
A Better Day
Maybe it's my imagination but I seem to feel more energetic today (more being a relative term) than I did this weekend. I happened on another funny and entertaining site Things my girlfriend and I argue about written by Mil Millington. He writes a column in The Guardian and now has a book based on all this. Funny stuff!! The site gives links to the book, reviews, and other interesting things. I'd like to have a British guy of my own. Anyone know a brave and foolish non-smoking one who might be interested in being with me? If not British, then that sense of humor (extra or different letters in words optional).
11:21:00 AM
Sunday, December 08, 2002
Bone Tired
It doesn't seem to matter whether I sleep, rest, get out in the fresh air, walk, sit, or whatever, I stay tired. It's in-my-bones tired like I felt during the hormone-less days. I'm sure part of it is chemo and recovering from surgery and bedrest. I'll be glad when this phase is over though.
Earl stopped by on his was from Nashville back to South Fulton, and we went to Cracker Barrel and compared symptoms. We're already crotchety old people!! I asked him what the female counterpart for a curmudgeon is. I'm going to the cemetery for the candle lighting they have there with Mother, Butch, and Janelle.
I realize this isn't a cheery holiday post, so I'll try to perk up.
2:38:00 PM
Saturday, December 07, 2002
Good Day
It was Sally and Janelle, not Mother, too. She stayed there at her house with Mae. We had lots of fun and got some Christmas shopping done. I'm not into full shopping mode yet but did get a few things and some firm ideas for others. Sally and Janelle did quite well with their shopping. I consulted and tried to be helpful. It gives meaning to my life to be of service. (I almost typed that with a staight face)
I can't believe how tired I got again. It felt good to get home and relax.
5:31:00 PM
Shopping Season
I had reflexology and MLD today. Then I went to Mother's to visit and eat. Sally and Mae are spending the night there, and Butch and Janelle came too. It was fun watching Providence after we ate and commenting on the characters we don't like and what we hope happens. We like Mike Farrell the most on there and the one who plays Sydney. I've like him since he was B. J. Hunnicut on M*A*S*H. It has only two more episodes because it's been cancelled. The writing isn't as good on there as some others. The characters don't change and grow enough. Judging Amy and West Wing keep giving more information about the characters and let them have many layers. Complex characters that give the actors something to work with, good casting, and plot twists definitely help!
Sally, Janelle, Mother, and I are meeting at House Blend tomorrow and then on to shopping. I'd better get to bed since I have to get up earlier than usual to be there!
Thanks for the comments and email! As much as I used to complain about not getting to finish sentences and being interrupted by students, it's good to hear from people this way! (does this sentence even make sense?)
12:02:00 AM
Thursday, December 05, 2002
Comments
OK, so maybe I'm needy. I want feedback. Please comment here or on Around the Bend occasionally. I'd like to read your exchanges and see what you think. Others might comment on your comments. Who knows? You can be as anonymous or known as you choose. It's fun to lurk and sometimes there's nothing to say. Sort of like I am today. :-) Don't get me wrong. I appreciate your even reading this and enjoy it when I see you somewhere and you mention things I've written and comment then, but what about those of you I don't see or hear from otherwise? No mail, no calls, no comments, no feedback. How sad. (let's see if this works - pretty pitiful, right?) Yes, I know I'm not good a being a martyr, but I had to try!!
12:01:00 PM
Wednesday, December 04, 2002
New Post
I've written a new post on Around the Bend. I'm not sure it has a point or ending, but it brought back some memories.
7:59:00 PM
Frosted Trees
The icy rain did happen on schedule and there's no school, no school! (old Snow Bird voice) Mother called to ask if it were as exciting as it used to be. I told her all my days were snow days now but that after all these years of conditioning, there's still something exciting about it. I did keep looking out to check the progress of the weather. Some things don't change so quickly.
As usual, I'm concerned about the trees in my yard. Since I live in a bowl, trees loom over the house on the hill in the back yard. Some others seem to have problems, so I guess I need to get someone over here to check them out. When they are laden with ice, it seems possible they could fall over and crash onto my house. Having money helps to get things done when we don't know how to do it ourselves. I'd like to contribute to the economy by hiring as much done as possible, but alas that's not how it works out. The barter system would be good if I had any skills that could lend themselves to bartering. Oh well. Again, we are back to the lottery!
It seems as if we might have some snows this winter. As long as there's no ice, that will be fine. Ice is bad!! Those of us who have endured ice storms know this.
11:11:00 AM
Tuesday, December 03, 2002
No Title
I've been sleepy and non-energetic today. It doesn't even seem as if I did that much yesterday but enough to make me go back to bed this morning and sleep some more. I had an MLD treatment this afternoon with Lana and will probably just go once a week and have that tape on between times. It was the return of the tape during Thanksgiving which looks weird but works. We're all amazed by how much progress has been made, and the tape did a lot.
For the first time in over 30 years, I won't get up during the night to check to see if it's snowing, sleeting, or any ice is forming. I also won't turn on the tv when I wake up to see if there's a Snow Bird report; however, I will be excited to have a couple of good snows this winter. All my days are snow days now - at least until I go back to work. It's going to be really odd when I have a job that isn't teaching and have to work when it snows as well as all year long with only a few days off. I really do need to win the lottery before May. I'll be generous so you can wish me luck on it. I'll do the same for you the next time.
There's an interesting blog about a group in Antarctica tagging seals and observing penguins I happened to find. Thought you might like to look at it. The writer of it is a PhD candidate. Life in the Freezer has amazing photos of the area, where they're staying, the group, penguins, seals, and scenery. It's neat.
An online friend last from the Pacific Northwest and I were discussing how y'all when used correctly is plural and you is the singular form of y'all. He argued with me that y'all could be used as both singular and plural. This is a misconception many non-Southerners have and then use the word improperly when trying to imitate a Southern accent There are a few times when it is intentionally singular. One of these is when it means the same as "you people" as in, "Y'all call it pop?" or varous accusations I won't go into now. Then there is the, "Y'all come back now, y'hear?" which is an often said tongue-in-cheek because it's expected or is a sometimes insincere thing to say when people are leaving, especially if they are going back home to the North.
9:18:00 PM
Monday, December 02, 2002
Another Day, Another Doctor
Dr. Burkey said my neck is doing really well and that it looks perfect. I don't have to bandage it anymore and can use a band-aid on it until I feel comfortable letting it go without anything. I told him it was going to be hard to go from being so careful with it to doing nothing. It will be good to take a shower without worrying about bandages that got wet anyway. He said it would have a scab and then heal with just skin there. Then he put something on it that cauterized it and hurt - it still hurts and looks gray and weird. I'm going back to see him Jan. 20. When I had scans before, they noticed an enlargement or growth on my thyroid. Dr. Burkey wanted to wait until my neck healed more to do anything about it, so now I'm supposed to have an ultrasound and fine-needle biopsy on it. As Roseanne Rosanna Danna said, "It just goes to show. It's always something!" So I'll end this year with tests and scans and get results in January.
Mother and I had lunch at Calypso before and then went to Bellevue Mall after the appointment and did some shopping. I asked her if she had any hats I might be able to wear and she brought me a couple that were Mae's. I wore a felt one with a brim and band around it that is a sort of burnt orange or pimento color. I'm almost like a man when it comes to names of colors. I need Paige to describe them for me. The point though is that I felt better wearing the hat than I have for a while. With the hat, I didn't feel like I look sick now that my hair has gotten even thinner. Mother also brought a red felt one with a black band that was Mae's and another knit one that was Aunt Ruth's. It feels like having them with me a little.
It's been brought to my attention that I credited the "retroactive chemohead" remark to the wrong person. It was Brian who said it and not Sally. I changed it on Friday's post. My apologies, Brian! So many people pick on me that it's hard to keep it straight! I don't understand why either. I'm so sweet to them all - just a bit of smicking now and then, that's all!
8:27:00 PM
Sunday, December 01, 2002
Richard Marius
While listening to NPR again this morning, the commentary on music reminded me of a post I am writing in my head for Around the Bend. Look for it soon. In the meantime, I found something I wrote at the Institute for Writing Tennessee History where 25 of us went to UT and learned about oral history. It was led by Richard Marius who also organized the Governor's Academy for Teachers of Writing which I attended in 1989. This was special because we got to work with Richard every day. He led plenary sessions at the Academy (also held at UT for two weeks) and dropped in on some of our smaller groups. Many more attended the Academy - 220. We were divided into core groups, had guest speakers, got extra attention at the writing lab with instructors, and had so much fun! Wilma Dykeman and Nikki Giovanni read from their work for us, too. The History Institute was special in that we were a smaller group and enjoyed Richard's full attention. There were field trips to libraries, the Bount House, archives, and a special visit to Alex Haley's farm in Norris. We had dinner there after he greeted us and then spoke after dinner. What a gracious host and kind man he was!
Richard Marius and Alex Haley had plans for a series of books on oral history similar to The Foxfire Books. Part of the purpose of our being there was to work with our students and contribute to the books. Some of you Challenge students might remember the family history project we did and some of those memorable family stories. What was that one about the needle's eye? There were wonderful projects through the years! This was one of my favorites. Unfortunately, Alex Haley died the February after we were with him that summer. His death ended plans for the books and was a loss for the writing world and humanity.
My next post on Around the Bend that I plan to type later on today was assigned that summer. We were supposed to interview another participant for only one hour and then write a biographical sketch about them as a teacher. All those years as an English teacher reminding students that without conflict there is no story caused me to volunteer when Richard asked after hearing most of the stories if anyone didn't write about something that wasn't about happiness and good experiences.
10:13:00 AM
Saturday, November 30, 2002
No Segues for Me, Please
Years ago my nephew Andy told us he wanted a Chia Pet for Christmas. Of course, he said it with that cute, dimpled grin of his and mischievous twinkling eyes. I was tempted to get him one but didn't. I think Amy might have but am not sure. It would be typical in our family since we go for the joke and pick on each other all we can. A friend mentioned Chia Pets recently which reminded me of Andy's request. Now they remind me of my hair which I hope grows back as thickly. What does Chia mean anyway? Where does that word come from? I miss a lot that others catch on to or have known quite a while, so I'm used to it. At least with gossip, you can count on knowing its made the rounds by the time I know about it. After hearing they've already known it for ages, I guess that's why I don't pass it on to others. I'm that way about some of the news, too, and have spent quite a bit of my life catching up. OK, OK, I do it in conversations as well and come back to topics that were discussed five minutes earlier or more and also ask too many questions.
When I said I was using "chemohead" as a reason for memory lapses and anything else convenient, my clever and quick son Brian asked if it were retroactive. Oh, sharper than a serpent's tooth, right? LOL
Being so sleepy yesterday had to do with its being the third day after treatment. I thought about it later on and realized that's what was going on. I took a nap and still slept last night. Today is better so far.
I watched Alan Jackson's special last night and really enjoyed it. I like him. Their middle daughter was right at home performing. My sister-in-law Janelle and her husband went to see him in concert. Notice whose name I didn't mention? Hahahaha! That's the way I've introduced them for many years, though.
Garden Force is making a garden for Nelson Mandela on their show today which the host said was appropriate since Mandela wrote in his autobiography that a garden was something he could control while in prison. Planting a seed, tending it, watching it grow, and harvesting it provided a sense of freedom. Local artists and materials contributed to and were used for it. Alan (host and landscaper) asked him if the garden would be of use to him, and Mandela said as long as he had time to be there (at home), he would take care of it.
It's a pretty, sunny day and cool. My Chia Pet Columbo, the Velveteen poodle cat, still feels like velvet and looks cute shaved like a little silver-gray lion. He's much more active now and seems to like his new look. Still tempting to do this periodically - every year or so.
11:12:00 AM
Friday, November 29, 2002
World Population
Some of you might have seen this in internet mail, but I thought it was worth thinking about again especially during Thanksgiving.
If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look something like the following:
There would be:
57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 from the Western Hemisphere, both north and south
8 Africans
52 would be female
48 would be male
70 would be non-white
30 would be white
70 would be non-Christian
30 would be Christian
89 would be heterosexual
11 would be homosexual
6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth and all 6 would be from the United States.
80 would live in substandard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition
1 would be near death; 1 would be near birth
1 (yes, only 1) would have a college education
1 would own a computer
When one considers our world from such a compressed perspective, the need for acceptance, understanding and education becomes glaringly apparent.
The following is also something to ponder...
If you woke up this morning with more health than illness...you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.
If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation ...you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.
If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death...you are more blessed than three billion people in the world.
If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep...you are richer than 75% of this world.
If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace ... you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.
If your parents are still alive and still married ... you are very rare, even in the United States and Canada.
If you can read this, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read at all.
10:28:00 PM
Energy
Someday I'll have energy again - I know I will. I've just wanted to sleep today and have eaten no turkey, so it's not tryptophan. I got enough sleep last night, so it's not that. I've been told it takes a long time for energy to return after chemo, and a large IV bag of Rituxan is still in my system. Dr. Spigel said Rituxan doesn't reach its peak for a few weeks, so I guess that's it. That, and all the rest of this ordeal - fast-acting chemo, sepsis, surgery, bandaging that still continues, healing, healing, and healing. OK, I'm impatient. For quite a while now I've been ready to have this over with and get on with feeling good. Yet when Brenda told me my next appointment is January 6, I was surprised and anticipated feeling withdrawal from not going there regularly. Odd, isn't it? All this has been the focus of my life now for six months, however, so it will be a change - a welcome one and an adjustment, too. It's been exhausting physically and emotionally. Well, it still is, I suppose, but I want that to stop now, so I have energy and make more progress feeling better. Maybe I should relax and realize it takes time. (sigh) I don't have much patience with not feeling good and haven't felt that great for many years now. What I hope is that the extreme response to chemo killed all the cancer and that I can get on without it from now on.
All that said, this is a relaxing day. I'm making chili again and cooking a turkey breast since I gave Brian and Melissa what was left from the turkey yesterday. I got one for that reason and will have turkey sandwiches and a casserole. Hope all of you are having a good day. Do any of you brave the shopping crowds?
12:51:00 PM
Thursday, November 28, 2002
T-Day
We had a good day at Mother's. The turkey turned out fine, and the rest of the food was delicious! We played a couple of new games Brian has, and that was fun. Melissa looks and feels really good. We're all so excited about the baby. Mae came which always adds to the holidays. She was doing really well and got around with her walker. I didn't plan my sleeping and turkey cooking times well, and am really sleepy. This might be the night I go to bed before 10. I've been sort of watching Faith Hill but can't keep my eyes open. Hope all of you had a good day and a Happy Thanksgiving!
8:45:00 PM
Wednesday, November 27, 2002
Happy Thanksgiving
When a person doesn't have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity. A person can almost be defined by his or her attitude toward gratitude.
- Elie Wiesel
We have so much to be grateful for. I'm thankful for the love of and for family and friends and also for the awaited grandson, my home, a rewarding career, students and co-workers who have enriched my life, being able to take sick leave, enjoyment of words and thoughts, laughter, a mind that works pretty well most of the time, improved health, spiritual growth, having options, curiosity, a warped sense of humor, knowing there is more to life than what we see, not being afraid of death but glad it wasn't my time, being told I made a difference, chocolate, fall leaves, good writing, TV, my phone with all the gadgets, electricity (I learned during the ice storm that almost everything I like to do involves electricity), that said - my gas log fireplace which is on now, music, and all the pleasures of life and living.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all!! Thank you for being here and for all your prayers, emails, comments, and healing thoughts. Thanks so much for those turkey ideas. I really like turkey sandwiches and am going to try some of these suggestions. I'm going to ask for cooking ideas more often. I like getting them and am out of practice. Maybe I'll have people over to eat if I get enough of them. Hint, hint!! As it is now, I can have you over for chili.
By the way, didn't it occur to Nicholas Cage that anyone who had been married to Michael Jackson just might not be a good candidate for him to marry? Could anyone possibly be weirder than Michael Jackson? Lisa Marie has always been a mystery, but there are clues even for those of us who never met her.
2:02:00 PM
Tuesday, November 26, 2002
Finale
Today was my last treatment. I don't go back to see Dr. Spigel until Jan. 6!! Isn't that great!! The four-hour Rituxan infusion went really well. I have an appointment with Dr. Burkey next week - Monday, Dec. 2. I think he'll be pleased with the progress with the wound and lymphedema. Then Dec. 30 I'll have CT and PET scans which I believe will show that all the cancer is gone. Mother and I went to lunch at Sister's, and then I went to Debbie's for MLD. She said she could tell a big difference in the place where the skin layers died. It's much smaller now and is almost level instead of deep like it was. The layers have built up and healed really well.
I went to Kroger last night and bought the turkey I'm baking to take to Mother's Thursday. I'll cook it tomorrow but haven't decided which method or recipe to use. Any suggestion?
It's time for some comments from you again! OK? :-)
9:36:00 PM
Monday, November 25, 2002
Visits
Paige and Carl are coming over to visit a while today. They are close friends and moved to SC over 10 years ago. We all miss them, and their daughters and I are hoping they'll move back here when Carl retires. That would be great. It's going to be great to see them today. We're going to lunch, and I want us to go to Studio 123 since they haven't been there.
I'm still feeling sort of blah today and am ready to bounce back. I have another Rituxan treatment Tuesday which will probably be the last one. The scans later on in December will let us know. Butch is still doing well with his recovery.
8:49:00 AM
Sunday, November 24, 2002
Guilt
After a relatively brief experience with large print, my blog has returned to it's former self. I have no idea what happened, but the gremlins have gone now. Random cyber-occurrences, I suppose.
How many of you have started decorating for Christmas? How many wait until after Thanksgiving? I haven't decorated or put up a tree for several years now, and it was a relief. Well, it was a relief, but I also felt guilty about not doing it. It's not that difficult for me to feel guilty about odd things. This felt Grinchy but also had a sense of freedom about it - like I was getting by with something unacceptable. I like to buy gifts for people and to get into the Christmas spirit. Decorations just have to be taken back down. I tend to like to keep things the way I arrange and decorate them until I decide to change rooms or the exterior of the house. Then I think about it and mull things over since part of the fun is anticipation. I enjoy the whole process - even wallpapering and painting, as well as arranging and accessorizing. After the changes, it's fun to enjoy the results and keep things that way until the next time. Decorating for Christmas doesn't do it for me that way. I'll see if guilt and obligation win out this year and I get the tree, lights, and decorations out or not.
11:07:00 AM
Saturday, November 23, 2002
Censorship
I just talked to Butch. He's home and watching the UT-VU game. He's sore but feels good. Mostly he was upset about missing the opening day of deer season. Unless something bad happens (which to me this was), he said he prefers that I don't write about him on here, so I'm going to honor his wishes and not do it again. The problem is that our definition of what is bad seems to differ, nevertheless I'll do my best to comply.
Emma and I had a good time yesterday. At lunch she told me to check out the guy with a haircut like Columbo's. It really was. I think Columbo likes the short hair cut. It's tempting to consider having this done annually. Summer would be a better time so he won't get cold. I'm beginning to think I need to get out more and be around people. I've become a cliche.
This isn't a day I've wanted to interact much, though. I've enjoyed being home. I'm sort of tired or something today and haven't wanted to do much.
12:18:00 PM
Friday, November 22, 2002
More Butch
Mother just called and said the surgery went well. They fixed the blockage where the stint is and used some kind of radiation seed(s) to clean out that other blockage they didn't do anything about last time. They told Butch it wasn't anything he did or didn't do but that this happens in a certain percentage of patients. He's been really good about his diet and has been going to rehab. Best of all, he quit smoking. Dr. Blazer sent him to Centennial instead of St. Thomas this time. Butch is in ICU and will get to go home in the morning - he's doing really well. Mother is already home. Andy and Angela are spending the night with Janelle.
7:21:00 PM
Butch
Butch hasn't been feeling as good as he'd like lately and went to see his doctor. They did an angiogram this morning and found a blockage around one of the stints and are taking him to Nashville to take care of it. I'll let you know more when I hear from Mother. She went with them. I'm going to lunch and shopping with Emma Hall in Bellevue but will have my cell phone on. More details later.
I've been concerned about Mother. She said she's felt tired and draggy. I told her it was probably from relaxing after all the stress she's been under. When anyone has cancer or other life-threatening illnesses, the whole family is affected. Friends are too. It doesn't happen in a vacuum. She's had Butch and me both to be concerned about. She said she got so much done then and was so energetic. I told her we were going on adrenalin then and were having a let-down after it. That happens. I really do believe Butch will be fine. He bounces back really well and has a good attitude. It's hard on Mother for us to be sick, and I am concerned about her. Not that this is a walk in the park for Butch and me, but you know what I mean.
I was out and about yesterday and saw quite a few people at the central office. It's so nice to know people are pulling for me and so supportive. Thanks to all of you!! It means more than you can imagine!
10:16:00 AM
Thursday, November 21, 2002
Schedule
I've shifted my time to my natural rhythm and stay up late and sleep late. I like night and mid-day, so it works out. I'm feeling better and am ready to get out and do more again. I hear it takes a while for the energy level to increase. I'll be glad when it does.
It's another beautiful day, and the leaves are still falling all over the place! I have a patio out there under them somewhere and need to get rid of the leaves before they stain everything. It's a process that has to be repeated until they finish falling. At least there's no Spanish moss like we had in Charleston, SC. At first it looked mysterious and gothic, but later on I got really tired of it and longed for uncluttered trees again. I missed the changing seasons there as well and like having four. They have two: hot and muggy or cool and damp.
A friend told me that this blog didn't look any different from the way it was, but the print is much larger on mine. How does it look to you?
11:46:00 AM
Wednesday, November 20, 2002
Yikes!
How did this get so large? I didn't intentionally make any changes!!
It's disconcerting and makes me feel self-conscious. It is easier to read this way, however, which might offset the ostentation. What do you think?
5:05:00 PM
Grammar
Look what I found! It's Dr. Grammar! I'll add this to my links, so we can refer to it when necessary.
1:21:00 PM
Moons and Dysfunction
Jill pointed out there was a full moon last night and not a good time to take cats to the vet. I never manage to keep up with all that but did notice how beautiful it was when I picked up Columbo. It was huge and golden. Is that a Harvest Moon? I read about blue moons and understand that concept now, but don't know as much about moons in general as I'd like. I missed the meteor shower other night (morning) too. I've never seen one but hope to eventually.
It was a stressful day for Columbo yesterday and he did pretty well when he got home. I've been concerned about him for quite some time now because he's been pulling out his fur and leaving little tufts of it around the house. He did this before I got sick, so it's not all that. At first I thought it was a flea allergy and he quit after having Frontline again. However, he started doing it again which is why I wanted help getting rid of his fur mats. I thought he was trying to get rid of them and that might be what was happening. Last night he bit and pulled out part of his tail since that's the only long fur he has now. I hope it was because of his stressful day and won't be a pattern. If so, we can hope TLC helps so he won't have to be on kitty prozac.
Cats pick up on emotions from their people, so I've expected some reactions from these since I've run the gamut and am also home most of the time now and not at work. They show some signs but partly because I'm not interesting enough for them, and they get bored. Teaching for over 30 years has helped me deal with that response. I used to tell my classes that tapes of my lectures were available in the lobby for insomniacs.
It's always been such a comfort knowing I grew up in a functional, loving, supportive family. Brian grew up well-adjusted too. Now, however, I have a dysfunctional cat family. Life is interesting!
12:17:00 PM
Tuesday, November 19, 2002
CATastrophe
I tried to take Columbo to the vet before my doctor's appointment but had to do it later. He went ballistic when I put him in the pet carrier and then broke the door off of it when I set it down on the carport so I could open the car door. He fled across the yard and would have run away if he didn't hate to be outside, so he ran to the back door. I let him in the house and gave up. When I got back from my appointment, I had to wrestle him into the other pet carrier. He thrashed around in it, but I got him in the car this time as he banged about meowing loudly all the way to the vet. I told San, the vet tech at Cornerstone, that I couldn't guarantee how he'd act since he was so scared. He stayed there for his "grooming" while I came home and vacuumed cat hair off furniture and carpet. When I picked him up, they told me he'd been well-behaved and compliant. I guess he decided he was doomed. It was hard to tell much about him in the carrier, but when I got him home, I gave him canned cat food to reward him for enduring the ordeal. Now, how to describe how he looks! Picture a silver-gray lion with mutton chops, a mini-mane, fluffy tail, and furry legs and paws. His entire body is shaved and looks smooth and sturdy since he weighs 13.5 lbs. Brigit hasn't come in yet and hasn't seen him. She doesn't like him anyway and will probably make fun of him. Poor Columbo, my poodle cat!
Everything was fine with my blood counts and all. I'll have what I hope is my last treatment next Tuesday. It will be the Rituxan, so we'll be there a little over four hours. Dr. Spigel said I'd have more scans after this has time to do its thing. Pat, who's been his nurse for 25 years, said she bet this got rid of my cancer. By responding so quickly to the chemo, it could have happened. Let's hope so!!
6:24:00 PM
Monday, November 18, 2002
Sunny but Cool
It's pretty outside but cool. I've known some people like that. Haven't you? I checked my appointment book to see what's going on this week. I have MLD treatments today and Thursday and will see Dr. Spigel tomorrow. It's just to check my progress, so I'll go to the lab first.
Have any more of you taken any of those tests? If you have or have found others that are fun, let me know.
10:22:00 AM
Sunday, November 17, 2002
Comparison
After watching Changing Rooms on BBC America, Trading Spaces on The Learning Channel is a pale comparison or maybe even no comparison! Changing Rooms and Ground Force are so much better and more entertaining. It's also difficult to be more engaging than Carol, the hostess of Changing Rooms. TLC's carpenter isn't as entertaining as Handy Andy either. Some of the HGTV shows are more original.
If imitation is the highest form of flattery, American TV flatters away! They try to be too much like the English show on Trading Spaces to the point of its almost being a too-Californian parody of it. That doesn't work. Of course the word flatter does not mean being complimentary but excessive praise based on self-interest. It's insincere. Guess that's what happens with all these imitations. Some of them worked because they were made to fit the characters and situations. I believe Sanford and Son was based on an English TV show as was Cracker which I liked with Robert Pastorelli as I still enjoy the BBC Cracker reruns with Robbie Coltrane. Some of you might know about some others. I've heard about quite a few of our shows based on theirs but can't remember them now. OK, I know I've always watched too much TV! Jason Bledsoe, a former student, told me that once, and I responded by mentioning that he recognized every reference I made.
My favorite show on now is West Wing. The writing is brilliant which gives the actors so much to work with. I look forward to it every week and tape it to watch again. It's so fast-paced that I notice new things when I see it again. I also watch the Law & Order shows, ER, Juding Amy, Frasier, Friends, The Sopranos, Six Feet Under, and too many others. Often I multi-task while it's on but sometimes watch closely depending on how much I need to pay attention. Also I'm in and out of the rooms where the TVs are on and have my computer where I can see the one in the den. Protesting too much? Justifying? Well, this is a country based on the writings of Cotton Mather and Jonathan Edwards. Remember his sermon Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God? Ah, the guilt, the guilt! LOL
We're going through a stage in this country - at least I hope it's a stage. Political correctness makes things too bland and boring. It has its place but is either an outgrowth or cause of so many people thinking they have the right not to be offended. Being intentionally rude is .... well, rude; however, when did people become so sensitive that they took offense at every slight remark or action? Part of growing up is learning to deal with diversity. Truly accepting differences means feeling comfortable and not being so careful that we can't even be ourselves. There are extremes going on now where some are too tentative and careful and others are mean and violent because of their attitudes toward those who are different from them.
By the way, my poor little (well not so little) cat Columbo is so wooly looking as Mother said, that the fur mat police will probably come after me. He has such fine fur that it's so bad I'm going to have to take him to the vet and have one of them make him look weird for a while. Guess Columbo and I can both wait for our hair to fill in and look better. Sad duo here, aren't we?
9:14:00 AM
Saturday, November 16, 2002
Murfreesboro
Mother and I drove to Murfreesboro, and Kathy drove from Chattanooga to get together with my cousin Sally. We visited while we shopped and ate lunch. We had a great time and enjoyed being together. It's been quite a while since I've seen Kathy, so this was really special. We went by to see Mae too, and she was doing well. It was a good day.
8:17:00 PM
Friday, November 15, 2002
Tests
It's fun to read what some of your personalities are. No, Amy, I'm not surprised you're off the scale on P! All of mine are close except for N (intuitive), and it's about as far as it can go. Michelle, you must not be too much of an I, but that's more about how you charge your energy. I remember yours, Mary Beth, and almost remember what the boys are.
We did various tests in Challenge Class as some of you remember. The one like the Myers-Briggs was the Kiersey Temperament Sorter. We ENFP's are Champion Idealists. We also did the Gregorc Learning Styles Test that had four areas that combined for descriptions too. They were Concrete, Random, Abstract, and Sequential. I'm a Concrete Random.
Have any of you taken those tests on emode.com? I took the one about what kind of dog we are a few years ago and was a pug. Now I'm a chihuahua. Sorry about that! ha! That Taco Bell dog isn't too bad though.
Keep letting me know how yours turn out. If you find some other good ones, let me know. This is fun!
9:36:00 AM
Thursday, November 14, 2002
Schools
Melissa, Brian, and I are already discussing schools. It's because that's an essential value for us and also because of the NFP factor. If you have taken a Myers-Briggs Personality Type Inventory, you are familiar with that. Melissa and I are both ENFP's and Brian is an INFP, so we're all similar in how we approach life. It's quite accurate and neat to know. My cousin Emily teaches seminars on it for Gaylord where she works. There used to be a place online to take the test. There are books on it, too.
I found a couple of tests if any of you are interested. Let me know your type. OK? Short Test and Forced Choice Test
8:23:00 AM
Wednesday, November 13, 2002
Name
Brian and Melissa are seriously considering naming the baby Brendan. I like that and know I'll call him and Brian by each other's names since they begin with the same sound and I'm bad enough about doing that with Brian and Butch when we're all together. Brendan Durham Cooksey - what kind of person does this name imply? Well, we already have some ideas based on heredity and environment, don't we? This is so exciting!!
I feel honored that they are using my last name for a middle name. I lobbied for it and wish I'd used it for Brian's, but Brian is his middle name. First name is Robert, like his father's. It's a wonderful feeling to have grandchildren and then for your name to be carried on is an additional special feeling. It's really touching. The most important thing is that Melissa and the baby are doing well. We are all so thankful for that.
4:52:00 PM
Hint
We haven't drawn names yet for Christmas in our family, but I just saw something on TV I'd like to have. It's a drill bit set from Sears that holds screws in place and does other things. I hope the advertisement comes on again, so I have more information. Bob Villa is on it. I haveBBC America on since I really enjoy Changing Rooms and Ground Force on there. I like the decorator Laurence but wouldn't want Ana turned loose in my house. Back to the drill - when I got it, I felt so empowered! It's great being able to install, assemble, and take things apart with it.
12:02:00 PM
Tuesday, November 12, 2002
Leaves
The leaves are covering everything. I need to get out there and get them off the patio. The person who mows my yard will run over them with his mower later on. We've been doing that the last few years which I prefer to raking. Too much work! Besides, I think it's part of the cycle of life for them to fall on the ground and fertilize it. Since all those leaves kill the grass, mulching helps that process.
I'm in a mood where I wish I could take everything out of my house and only bring back in what really needs to be here. I'll do a version of that one room at a time - eventually. I'm obviously not one of those people who keeps things cleared out. Letting things go doesn't come easily at all. There's a pattern emerging here that I've been paying attention to. Clutter is clogging up the flow in my house just the way that happened in my neck. It's all part of the same thing - mind/body/spiritual.
11:07:00 AM
Monday, November 11, 2002
Hmmm
I really don't have much to say today. How unusual is that?
5:22:00 PM
Sunday, November 10, 2002
Bibliotherapy
Typically when I have problems, I go to the library, bookstores, and the internet. Gathering information, learning how others deal with things, and just reading about it is helpful. Using my English major, I find meaning in everything. Former students probably remember how valuable metaphors are to me. In addition to fiction I'm reading for enjoyment, I'm reading some others that shed light on what I'm experiencing now. More on this later.
1:16:00 PM
Saturday, November 09, 2002
The Tape
This tape looks so weird but apparently helps. It's applied to stretched skin that was held taut while my head was turned as far as it would go. The anchor of it is where the lymph vessels empty into the subclavian veins. The idea is for the tape to sort of massage the skin as the person moves around. It feels tight at times when I turn my head and a little itchy but not bad. It just looks really odd. A physical therapist who worked with an orthopedist used the tape for therapy and also had MLD training. They do sessions for the other therapists to learn about it.
About the only thing I've noticed from the Rituxan is a little less energy. No fever, nothing else. Again, so far, so good.
I have a new post on Around the Bend now.
10:02:00 AM
Friday, November 08, 2002
Already into November
What a beautiful day we're having! Sunny and warmer! So nice! Sally and I think weebl and bob are so funny but without the conversation bubbles there's no way we could understand them. Those voices are hilarious though.
Had another MLD treatment today. I am having three a week now but will cut down as I go. Debbie put this kinesio-tape on my neck that goes up my jaw and looks funny. It's in strips and is flesh colored and looks like a claw moving up my face. Odd. It's supposed to help the skin move which stimulates the lymphatic vessels. I keep seeing progress with this therapy every day. It's amazing how things have improved in three weeks.
Hope all of you have a wonderful weekend. What are you doing?
1:39:00 PM
Thursday, November 07, 2002
Awwww
Brian and Melissa found out today that the baby is a boy! Now we can use specific pronouns. Brian was brought up mostly around women, and now he'll have a son. How neat!! It's exciting to anticipate his personality and what he'll look like. I've had the feeling for a while that it might be a boy. I kept getting this image of a goofy, sweet, little boy with a younger sister who would roll her eyes and shake her head about him. It's a likely scenario. We'll enjoy this experience first, but Brian said if they have another one who is a boy, it will be fun to watch two brothers grow up together. What a thrill this is!!
10:15:00 PM
Major Rambling
Just as I predicted and hoped, I slept really well last night. It's a relief to do that again and have no fever and wake up drenched any more, too. I'm thankful for things I used to take for granted. Considering my comments yesterday, I suppose I should have written "being a senior citizen" instead of middle age, since it's doubtful that I'll live to be over 100. I'm not sure I'd want to anyway unless I felt good. I don't want to be a burden to anyone but would like to do what my grandmother did and die while taking a nap on the couch. Good grief! How did I get off on this? It's a pretty fall day after a great night's sleep and the enthusiasm to get some things done. This is the first day this week I have no appointment, so I can stay home and enjoy making some progress defeating dust and cat hair another day. Tomorrow I have another MLD treatment. I went for seven straight days and then 3 days last week and this weeek. I can't believe the progress and am delighted with the range of motion I now have, the change in color, and the reduction of swelling. Even the fibrotic tissue is much softer and some has gone completely. The wound is healing better now too since circulation has improved in that entire area. Please tell anyone you know who has had surgery, cancer, or an accident that resulted in swelling to check into this. In fact, before surgery it's a good idea to get an MLD treatment to help prevent it. Once you have lymphedema it's not curable, just treatable. Some people need regular maintenance, but Debbie said mine probably wouldn't. I plan to return to regular massages by Debbie and/or her daughter Lana which will make sure it's checked in case I need it. Lana is attending the classes to learn MLD and both were working on me one day. I said I was having a massage a trois. (so clever with words ... haha) I wish I could afford to get a massage every week but will do the best I can. Once or twice a month is probably what will happen unless I get work to equal what I made before plus my part-time jobs. I'll probably retire from teaching at the end of this school year if I can find something to equal or surpass my retirement since it's around half of my already inadequate teacher's salary. I need to start job hunting.
10:28:00 AM
Wednesday, November 06, 2002
Hair Envy
When I was driving back from my MLD appointment, I noticed my hair (my thinning dandelion hair) in the rear view mirror while I was at a stop light. I could easily see my head through the wisps of hair. At least the wisps are evenly distributed so that my whole head looks like a wisp of hair. About the only advantage I can think of is that I don't use my blow dryer any more since it makes it worse - fuzzy instead of well, uh, less fuzzy. It takes almost no time to dry now by towel drying it. Nope, that's the only advantage I can come up with. There's no way I could even closely resemble Grace Jones or Sinead O'Connor even if it all fell out and I was bald. As much as my scalp itches, a wig would drive me crazy. Besides, I have the feeling it won't all fall out but continue to thin and look weird - as if middle age isn't enough!
2:55:00 PM
Deflated Elections
I didn't sleep well or very long last night because of all the stuff I had, but that won't last long (probably just last night) because no prednisone this time. I feel fine today which is the way we hope it stays. No fever or anything.
Brian's great-aunt Mary Berry died Monday. She's Linda Reynolds's mother in case some of you know her. Aunt Mary was Brian's grandfather's sister and was 90. Visitation is today and the funeral tomorrow at Taylor Funeral Home.
I think I've become the spokesperson for lymphedema and MLD. I told Debbie Hicks I was doing PR for her. Did you see the article in The Herald last week in the business section about Debbie and MLD? It's not in the online version.
Well, as I've said before, I definitely agree with Will Rogers when he said, "I don't belong to an organized political party. I'm a Democrat." With a Repugnantcan majority of all branches of government and the Supremes, that's all I can say at this point. Sheesh!
Explanation: The term "Repugnantcan" does not necessarily apply to all Republicans but specifically to that faction who are motivated by greed, opportunism, religion for political purposes, and jingoism which they try to pass off as patriotism.
Some of the good things about liberals can be our downfall. Trying not to offend can get in the way of taking a stand. Also instead of capitalizing on ignorance, we try to help people which might make their lives better but doesn't seem to get votes. Are any of you buying any of this?
At least I get to see my President Jeb Bartlett every week on West Wing.
10:12:00 AM
Tuesday, November 05, 2002
Later
Maybe because I was nervous, my lunch didn't agree with me. That's been bothering me. My mouth has been dry and my heart is racing some. I've been drinking a lot of water which is recommended.
My neck looks so much better. MLD therapy is amazing. It's also miraculous with sprained ankles and any accidents that cause swelling.
5:56:00 PM
R&R
Which in this case stands for rain and Rituxan. (OK, I know this is a fragment - literary license) Things went well, but that's how it has been during the infusions. There probably aren't that many cancer cells for the Rituxan to kill this time, so the rest of it should be OK. I'll be vigilant about everything this time since I have learned what to look for. At any rate, so far so good event though I can tell I have experienced something.
2:11:00 PM
Monday, November 04, 2002
Count Down
Tommorow is the day. 8:30 is the time. Rituxan Day! Wish me luck!!
9:53:00 AM
Sunday, November 03, 2002
Irony
Have I mentioned how much I enjoy watching Ground Force in BBC? I don't even like to get out in the yard that much and certainly don't like digging, shovelling, and planting. Then there's the heavy moving! It's very much like watching aerobics and sitting on the couch. I think it's fascinating how they transform yards (or gardens as they say) the way they do on Ground Force and makes me wish someone would come do mine. I like that guy Alan on there. He's funny and clever. Charlie, the woman on there with the long strawberry blonde hair is strong and quite a worker - and apparently doesn't wear a bra. The interaction between the three of them reminds me of my years in the English workroom.
Those shows like Changing Rooms, House Invaders, and the ones on HGTV make it seem easier than it is. They inspire change for sure.
3:04:00 PM
Last Night
The play last night was interesting. It took place in Purgatory after her execution when she met her mother, boyfriend, and murder victims. The writing and acting were good. It was mostly about her finding religion and feeling repentant. She'd been using drugs since she was younger than 10 when she first used heroin and was an addict and prostitute and basically trailer trash. Never had much of a chance. She'd been high and had no sleep for days before the killing which wasn't planned. This is the one Dubya mocked by saying in a high woman's voice, "Please don't kill me" which is horrifying in itself.
Having a death penalty concerns me since we don't have a perfect judicial system. There are probably people on death row who are not guilty. I read that all of Europe did away with the death penalty after World War II. I've tried for ages to figure out why our crime rate and acts of violence are so much greater than Canada's when our governments are the same age. English friends of mine have said it's because they were under English rule longer than we were. Others have said it's because it's so cold there and that crime is not as great during cold weather. Maybe it's because the US was settled by malcontents and misfits of Europe as well as adventurous, opportunistic, greedy types. Don't really blame them for doing like the English who got rid of the Puritans and kept the neat, fun people, but we still endure their influence. Michael Moore said that our violence is based on fear and that the early settlers were afraid of those who were different. Their first major act of violence was mass genocide.
I wonder how things would have been different if Scandanavians had stuck around and settled the original colonies. Minnesota is an example perhaps. If I find any answers or better questions, maybe I'll do more with it on Around the Bend.
1:40:00 PM
Saturday, November 02, 2002
Getting Out
I'm planning to go to see Steve Earle's play Karla tonight at the Belcourt. It's about the first woman to be executed in Texas by the death penalty since the Civil War. A friend told me about it. I didn't know about the BroadAxe Theater and their productions. I'll let you know how it is. Light entetainment, huh?
What amuses me is that I didn't go to the Southern Festival of Books, Centennial Park Art and Craft Fair, Oktoberfest, or several movies I want to see, but yet here I am going to see this downer play. Go figure!!
11:14:00 AM
Friday, November 01, 2002
Bells and Whistles
The comment part hasn't shown up yet on Around the Bend. Notice I did figure out how to put a link in that part on the left? Today I'm going to resist the lure of the computer until after I finish cleaning the kitchen, doing laundry, and vacuuming. I'm trying to change my slothful ways!
9:36:00 AM
Thursday, October 31, 2002
New Blog
As if I don't waste enough time on here, I've created a new blog. It's for ranting, rambling, and telling stories. The name of it is Around the Bend. So click and bookmark if you want to. It's not going to be daily but just when I get the urge.
7:19:00 PM
Fall
Well, it's definitely getting colder and even snowing in some states. I have a feeling we'll get more snow this winter than we have for a while. They haven't reached their peak yet though. I like this crisp feeling in the air and the colorful leaves that are falling. Not the falling part so much but the colors. I missed that when we lived in Charleston, SC. The changing seasons give a sort of structure to life. Being an English major, everything is a metaphor to me though. :-)
Today is Halloween. We don't get many trick-or-treaters in our neighborhood which is fine with me. It's not as much fun as it was when Brian was young. Having grandchildren makes things more fun to experience things again. I'll think about Melissa and wonder how she's feeling and will then be elated about the anticipation of this new life. It's so exciting to contemplate what it will be like. A combination of Brian and Melissa that they nurture and mold will be wonderful! Of course, I'm biased since I love them both so much. They have such a supportive, loving relationship and are so kind to each other. I'm really proud of them and would like to have a marriage like they do. The best gift parents can give their children is to love each other, and they do. We're looking forward to this baby in our family and already love him/her very much. We'll know the gender of it soon, too.
11:31:00 AM
Wednesday, October 30, 2002
How Do You Spell Relief?
Not Rolaids in this case! I knew I was nervous about more chemo but didn't realize how it was affecting me until I found out yesterday I don't have to have more of the really toxic kind. It's definitely a relief, and I feel so much better now about what's ahead. Rituxan is effective for low-grade or indolent non-Hodgkins lymphoma, and high remission rates have occcurred. Using it four times seems to be the norm which is why I'll have two more, I suppose.
The plan for the new insurance passed. It's scary to change. I hope it will be OK, but it doesn't seem as good in the long run. We're only one of two counties in the state now that aren't on the state plan. Another county got off of it and then begged to be taken back after three weeks. This happened with our dental insurance. We don't have much as teachers, and our insurance has been a benefit that we thought we could count on. Dickson County teachers are paid less than the other surrounding counties, and it shows. We aren't at all competitive attracting new teachers here. When we needed to hire a special ed supervisor, we couldn't because they could make more in the classroom in other systems. It's a big problem because we are in such debt now that recovery from it looks grim. Our present director inherited this deficit, and it has to feel overwhelming and frustrating. We all feel the effects.
Some of you asked about this. The comments can be posted and/or read by clicking the word comment below. See? Right there by the time.
11:25:00 AM
Tuesday, October 29, 2002
Weighty Subject
The convoluted thinking we go through about some things! Weight being one of them. I've been eating what I wanted since I lost 25 lbs after chemo, fever, and trauma. I didn't gain but 5 lbs back and maintained the rest quite happily and thought this is how life would continue for me until I had more chemo and could lose the other 15 lbs I wanted as a reward for enduring a horrible experience. Funny how the good news/bad news joke backfires, isn't it? Today on the hospital scales were, much to my chagrin, five more pounds! Well, they were on me actually, but why quibble.
Rituxan doesn't have the side-effects that make food and water taste bad, so I'm going to have to do this myself now. No help from a blitzkrieg of toxic chemicals for me again!! Oh no! I must do this the old fashioned way - sensible eating and exercise. The weather even cooperates now for walking, and with a beautiful view of the changing leaves, I have no choice but to begin. Perhaps it will become a good habit and one I look forward to. Perhaps Hell has frozen over. I wonder why I'm not still doing it after it was a habit in the past. Priorities! That's it, I'm sure. I've perfected wasting time to an art form but must now mend my ways and blah-blah blah-blah blah-blah. Right? Or is it yadda yadda? We optimistic malcontents have rationalizations for everything!
4:54:00 PM
Good News
Today during my appointment with Dr. Spigel, he said I'd resume treatment next week. His plans are for two treatments of Rituxan only!! I'm not sure if they are three or four weeks apart, but after the last one, I'll have CT and PET scans to determine what's going on. This is exactly what I was hoping to hear and told him that. He said he knew I'd be glad about it.
There aren't the side-effects with Rituxan there are with chemo because it's targeted for lymphoma cells and doesn't attack everything. It's still not a walk in the park because it's very effective in killing cancer and continues to work for months after the treatment. Here's another link to find out more about Rituxan and stress and one about mice. It takes four hours for the IV infusion. Some people had allergic reactions to it and had to stop or take more drugs and have it administered slowly. They gave me Benedryl and Decadron before it by IV and a couple of Tylenols. I didn't have any problems with the IV but with how effectively it killed the tumors afterward.
Dr. Spigel said when he talked to Dr. Burkey and told him he'd never seen a reaction like I had that Dr. Burkey said neither had he. I'm a freak. What can I say?
Dr. Spigel was really impressed with the results from the MLD therapy. He said I was more symmetrical now. True and funny!
I hate to be a nag (yeah, right), but why are there no comments? I feel so alone!! I have no one, you know. (Is this dramatic and pitiful enough for you?) I realize that my sincerity gap is surpassed only by my lack of martyrdom.
2:17:00 PM
Monday, October 28, 2002
Voting
I went to the high school to vote against the new plan for insurance. It's too iffy to me to stray from the state plan. I hope we stick with what we have. It's hard to tell how people will vote as we'll find out in November. It was really good to see and talk to people there at the school and fun to laugh and all with some. I enjoyed that and the hugs.
4:07:00 PM
Sunday, October 27, 2002
Time Change
Yes!! My favorite day of the year! The time is changed back and order is restored to my biological clock. Actually I just wish they'd quit changing it around and keep it one way or the other. I don't like to have to get up an hour early over half the year or get up when I want to but the clock says it's an hour later than it has been. It was exciting to change the clocks last night and then see what time it was this morning, knowing yesterday it was an hour later on the clock. Yea!!
9:34:00 AM
Saturday, October 26, 2002
Yikes!
I didn't think about being searchable until I read Ariel's comment. Guess having something on here puts us out there to be read. Odd how certain words can attract people to a site. I put some words in Google and Yahoo searches and there was my site eventually on the list. Guess surfers are pretty disappointed when they see what it really is and don't stay long.
11:02:00 PM
Cartoon
Found a link to a new cult cartoon online. It was recently on MTV in the UK before The Osbournes - not sure if it's on here or not. You watchers of MTV will have to let us know. I just watched The Osbournes since I watch so many other shows on network and cable. The link was on Scary Duck and is weebl and bob. "When come back bring pie!" is the new catch phrase from it. Some of it reminds me of South Park - maybe just the voices. Generally by the time I hear about something it's common knowledge. Never one to be on the cutting edge! Oh well!
Then there's Doonesbury Daily Dose. Since I quit subscribing to the newspaper, I read it online.
I voted yesterday. It feels good to know I've done that already. Mother went with me. I told them she'd already voted in Charlotte and thought she'd vote again in Dickson. This isn't Florida though where some of them can't even vote once!
11:05:00 AM
Thanks!
Thank you to those of you who responded by commenting, signing the guest book, or emailing. I require feedback as Brian and my former students know. Besides, I'm curious about who reads this and like to know things.
I'm trying to get as much done as possible before I have more chemo in case I feel bad again. I know I won't get to the point I did before because for one thing all the cancer isn't there now and also because I know how sepsis feels and won't go there again. Dr. Spigel will be watching me like a hawk too. Emma Hall said I didn't do justice describing my neck and how I felt when it was so bad. It's still not that great but much better. I'll try to do better this time. Now that I have the comment part, it can be like an intervention if necessary as well. Talk about preparation! LOL Maybe being this prepared will help ward off complications. Let's hope so. Rev up the prayers and marshal the flocks of angels!! I am!
10:30:00 AM
Friday, October 25, 2002
ENT
I had an appointment with the residents today at the otolaryngology clinic at Vanderbilt. Dr. Matheny wasn't there, so I saw Dr. Chang who was the one who changed my bandages every day when I was in the hospital, so he could definitely tell how well it's healing. He's more down to business and doesn't have the bedside manner that Dr. Burkey and some other have, but he's very thorough and dedicated and concerned. I like him and all of them there, but Burkey is awesome! Chang is the only one who has brought up my having a skin graft as if it's a given. Dr. Burkey has said he wants this to heal from the inside out, which I hope it can. Jean Smith told me about wound treatment that they do at Baptist and that the NHC nurses are learning here in Dickson. She said I'd be a good candidate for it. This involves using the patient's blood and spinning it so the platelet rich plasma can be mixed with a gel which is put in the wound. The healing is much faster based on studies and case histories. This sounds like a possible alternative to grafting, but I'll do what needs to be done about this.
Dr. Chang was concerned that Dr. Spigel was upset because he couldn't resume chemo without discussing it with Dr. Burkey, but I told him Dr. Spigel was OK about that because a clock isn't ticking like it is with some cancers. Besides, Dr. Spigel isn't going to play roulette with my life like that. I'm sure it will start again soon though since they'll talk Monday. It scares me so much to think about sitting in that chair with the IV in my arm and going through it again. I just want to cry. Big crying too! I feel like that white-around-the-mouth-look scared.
I will see Dr. Spigel Tuesday and the residents Nov. 27. Then Dr. Burkey on Dec. 2. Chemo progress will be reported again soon. (sigh)
5:06:00 PM
|
|
| |
|
|
|
